new clothes

I remember a park full of leaves. I'm with someone, maybe mathu, collecting up the fallen branches in the park, keeping it tidy.

I'm with Pete and oil. We have been having some kind of weekend together in nature outside Sheffield. Now I have to go meet my parents for a meal in a park and they have some things to give me. I drive to meet them in this area of regeneration. We have some lunch and chat. Now my mum gives me some smart clothes and my dad talks to me about how they need to head south. I can't remember exactly what he says they are going to do but it involves the family. He says "perhaps you want to set off from here as well".

I'm putting on the new smart clothes. They are blue and skinny and shiny like wedding clothes. As I'm changing into them this guy comes over and in a really strong Barnsley accent starts talking to me and my mum. He is pointing out things in the park that have changed and giving us advice on the area.

I'm close to the motorway up near Barnsley. It's amazing how much change has gone on round here. I am going to agree with them to save time and drive straight down south with them but then I realise I've left my phone and computer with Pete and oli and have to go back to check on it. I worry about leaving these valuable items with them especially in nature where they could easily go missing or get damaged.

I wander back to the car which I have parked near an apple tree at the side of the road. And set of to meet Pete and oli

Mbira, Sheffield, Family.

I see chartwell, he has a very interesting mbira, there are two low notes in the right hand at the far top right of the board, which he uses as additional base notes. He has a different way of playing that I have not seen. It uses the right finger from above.

.

I am with Rosa. She is still with Joe. But she is happy to see me. I take her out somewhere. I see what she has been doing in the time we have spent apart. She has not changed that much. She still has big health complications, but she has a much better understanding of them now. She is still upset about all that she feels she has missed out on.

I'm at home in Sheffield. I am chatting to my brother James. Someone, a friend, has asked me to perform mbira for them, so I do, I'm playing bukatiende. In taireva tuning.  I'm having to work on it. My parents are having an argument. Now it's lunch time.

They invite us to lunch, but then there is not enough bread or soup to eat. I get angry and end up reacting against my mother. I shout at her and shake her, because I feel like she has waisted my time in telling us to come. I then apologise saying I'm sorry I reacted, I reacted because you expected I would. I realise I'm not taking full responsibility for my actions.

My New Car

I'm up a big hill like in Barcelona, . I have been staying on this garden place somewhere, a house at the side of the steep road that is like a community. There are these big gates that are locked because the route up to the mountain is privately owned, but I want to drive up there. I think I want to take my dad somewhere up the mountain.

I take my car out of its parking lot, and have to secretly open the gates before the owners come back. I see two friends, one of them is jj. They want a ride. When I get to stopping my car won't stop. The breaks are terrible. My car needs to be stopped by my friends. They hold it from crashing.  I get out and then my car burns to the ground. All I see is a pile of ashes. But now I'm going to miss my appointment. What to do i wonder...  do I go on the internet and start looking for new cars to buy. I see one that is really interesting looking. It's been owned by these sculptors and art promoters who lived in tengenenge. It's a good price, and I ask a friend how quick it can be to pick up a new car.

The Spirit of Ritual

I'm at coed. Feeling ill.

A gathering has been organised. I don't know if I can attend. But I want to.

Anyhow, I'm lying down in the be area. And a load of people come dressed up ready to do a ritual. The ritual involves John the bee man. It's to do with the true story of Easter.

Lynette reads about the true story of our king the saviour, how he doesn't rise from the dead like Jesus did. But we embrace the spring anyhow.

Everyone is stood around. I have to get up from my sleep to witness the ritual. The costumes are very elaborate.

Now people are leaving and I'm worried I'll miss them. Because I'm ill. But I manage to get up and follow. And I've gathered my cloths together to get into the ritual spirit.

I find myself heading to the wellow garden, my brother has put on a play performance in the garden, all my friends are there singing. I see Gemini and the others from coed. It's intensely moving. The song my brother is singing is a pagan song which has these rounds to it, about love. I ask my brother how did he get to do this in the wellow garden. He says that its not the wellow garden.

I now look closer. And see that I'm in a similar garden but it's different.

We are in the city. Ancient stone work around the house, but clearly bath stone. James shows me just outside the house. Some of the most amazing intricate stone work I've ever seen. Detailed patterns that look really modern. Abstract and complex. I'm reminded of the sculpture I see in Zimbabwe as well.

Now I'm walking into the beautiful architectural city of bath. The ritual has continued into a processing into a cathedral. Everyone is enjoying themselves and costumes are flying. I'm wearing my white cloths, in combination with a black and a red one. I'm not sure what they mean, the black and the red. I think of the Cuban flag. It has a slightly more edgy look as opposed to the pure white cloth, which seems more appropriate for Jesus s death and resurrection.

I see two of the girls I met at Doris. I want to chat to them but keep losing them amidst the crowd. Now the performance takes a different turn. A heavy metal DJ starts playing some really edgy heavy metal in the church and metal heads get up to mosh to it. I join them for fun because it seems so inappropriate in church.

One of these guys is triggered by the cloths I'm wearing. He approaches me to threaten me but I dance with him and he can't get near me. I display my agility by climbing up a monument outside the church and standing on one leg. It's high, but I don't think he will follow me.

I am told by him that its not what I am doing that he can't do. It's the cloths and authority that they represent. He can't touch me. I have a greater presence.

I am shown that this man has been an extreme sports person. He is telling me about how he conquered his fear. Little by little taking risks. And each time it gave him more confidence. He told me of a risk he took that changed his life. He took a sky dive over the city that went wrong. But he survived it. His parachute did not open properly, and he fell through this building onto the sports field. There were eye witnesses. He was rushed into hospital. This experience he says put him on his path in life.

Vamwe Vana

I meet a 7 year old boy who tells me he is Muslim. He has special spiritual sight. He sees a spirit in me which he tells me about. Because he can see it, shows that he has this spirit also.

I'm with Cecelia. We are playing some Zimbabwean music. I know how the music goes.

The song is called vamwe vana, the children of the others. I get emotional. I am on guitar. I can't play the song without crying. She notices my emotions and says what's up.   I say to her, it's so difficult to play zimbabwean music without getting emotional. She says she understands. Now we listen to some chiwoniso.

The song I have in my head is the same one she puts on. I can hear how the part goes and I start to play it on this new mbira.

She says my block is in dancing. I need to work on this. 

The song is like rebel woman. It has this descending base line.

Mum. Kneeling at the Hawthorne. Picking things, walking Church. Sleeping.

Joe.

My spirit moves one step ahead of me...

I'm chatting to r.

I'm complaining to him about the situation I'm in at coed.

I tell him I can't keep living there with no money.

He says that to pay me 30£ an hour would be very difficult.

I say it's not even the money, it's also that I am not happy living at coed. I say this with force and conviction.

This makes him respond in an interesting way. It's like he becomes smaller.

.

He says that even he has had doubts weather something would work. He says you have to live through the doubts.

It's like my soul has be so unsatisfied living there.

I see we have spilt some vanish on a table. I wipe it up, and it makes the table go all shiny. It gives me some satisfaction so I tell him that I'm happy with this.



I have a sense that I will be getting together with m.


I am driving in a car with three other guys. We are going along the usual route to the village but suddenly the road takes a turn down a new track, at a turn in the road. It's a new road.

The car crashes off the road, and breaks into pieces. We are all fine. But we have to rebuild the car. We are now following a different design, and start to build a house. It's complicated because there are all these little pieces. We are not sure how they fit together but we are sure we can make it work.