Freudian Themes and Vikings

I meet a hippy lady at church. We are in an old valley surrounded by trees and old stone work.

We are singing the same old songs, but then the songs change and get weird. And I start to fly, up over the church and over cliffs. The vicar has old pagan practices. I meet a girl who is giving out communion. She is happy to see me. Its all in preparation for the final holocaust, though I don't know it.

I have something strapped to my back.

The changing room has big mirrors.

It also tells things about your life.

The women see me and say -

You have lots of feminine in your life. Its a strong force.


I see that the things I do are feminine things, and I relate on this level mostly.

This small guy comes to try and bum me. He is wearing a big fluffy costume.
I have to tell him that I am not gay, and have never been attracted to men. He can see that now. I also have to admit that I believe everyone is born bisexual.

I see that I have grown a lot of hair on my chest. It is thick and black and white. It is like a wolf's coat. I have wings strapped on my back.

These are what gets stuck when trying to escape from the prison at the end of the world, but because I am the last out, I see that its not all that bad. Indeed, the contrary- This is the change we have all been waiting for.

The utopia will be born from the atomic bomb.

I see a flower and trees, amazing eco-city-scapes, a dark looming cloud of destruction washes over. I say
"don't worry, its not what you think it is".

Now I meet some very pagan ladies. They want to dress me. I chuckle about having a big penis, so they show me a magazine which has amongst other curiosities, a picture of this fat man with a bizarre costume. Its like tissue paper is over his chest, and the same tissue paper makes a strange cock sock over his old worn out penis.

"is this what you want to wear" the women ask me/

"God no!" I exclaim.

One of the women knows what I really want. She takes my clothes of me and has sex with me. She is just a spirit, as when I ejaculate she disappears. I thought I was inside her but it turns out I was just blowing myself. Come is in my mouth, continually, like I had a limitless source of come that flowed out like a tap.

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Now I am back in the familiar landscape. Only there are lots of vikings around. They are all metal workers.

One who looks like a friend says
"it doesn't get better than this, this banging two bits of metal together".

"what about weaving two bits of metal together, or threading two bits of metal together?" I humbly ask her.

"hmm....." there's  a lot of nodding and agreement. "yes, that would be better" she says.

I like the vikings, despite their intimidating strength.

Ah it's all to do with choice, I say...

Luke Turner and Joe have been organising a gathering. Now it's happening and Luke is giving a speech

We are sat round the fire. Me, two Tibetans, who are brothers, a few of my English friends, and a few of my new Zimbabwean friends.

We are talking about karma and about how bad actions can affect our future.

One of the Tibetans , the older brother, is describing how, within his own direct ancestry, there was a war leader who killed many many people, and now he was having to deal with the ancestral debt. But this was one of the things that had drawn him to the spiritual dimension.

Ah it's all to do with choice, I say...

Most of the others look baffled, except the younger brother who gets what I'm saying.

It's like you have to have gone through a certain amount of suffering before you are really drawn into awareness, before you ask the question, where am i really and is this a dream I'm in?

The little brother says, I think you are in a dream, and I wake up.

A new baby arrives....

I'm in a poly tunnel with J and M.

Me and M are sat next to one another and J is talking.

One thing he says is. I wish dad had not just gone in there and tidied up, because now is the time for me making a mess of the space.

He needs to start doing his craft work, which needs time to make mess.

There are courgettes in the poly tunnel. Some of them are ready to eat and some have gone to seed.  There's a little one which James gives to me. He says this is the mother of the courgettes. It may have seed that is ready. I cut it open. It is much bigger inside than it looks on the outside. Some of the seeds are ready but others are immature.

James is not angry with me for cutting it open too soon.

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A new baby arrives. Called Patricia. She is the baby of J and s. A baby girl. I see her and hold her. The family are around.

I'm in a festival like place. Different people are around, playing different music and suchlike. I see conor. We are going to have a jam. I tell him about the lady who had ancestor spirits who came through her when she drank alcohol and about the spirit medium who told her that she would be killed them if she stopped drinking.

It was passionate sex...

I dream about being on a mountain, with ami. She sees me in the sunset. She photos me and leaves her phone. I'm with my dad. We are in the mountain. It's gonna rain. I want to find ami phone before it get dark. There are spiritual places in the mountain where churches have been built. I walk to one with my dad. There is a church service happening. It's unusual. People are lying down. There are Greek sculptures here. They are mixing traditions. I meet a Zen practitioner. He gives me some instructions about how to meditate. And the posture of the body. How to start with small amounts. Ten minutes, half an hour. One hour, and until you can mediate all day. Simple steps. Learning to be still.

I get ami phone.

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I am in bed with S and R. My desire says be with R so I ask S to leave, but I invited her along because we are traveling to south America and I wanted her with me because I know she loves the music and would like to see the place. Argentina. A sea port. Open to the south west. Like São Paulo. She and me share a similar spirit.

I have sex with a girl and come so much into and onto her body that the semen keeps coming out of her mouth and her body. It was passionate sex. I forced myself upon her and she yielded and enjoyed. 

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I'm with K and a friend

We are talking about horticultural therapy

I'm back at lamas looking for eggs to buy

It has lots of tents there and looks like a festival place. It reminds me that it is now festival time in uk.

He knows about expressing anger...

Im in a place where we are camping out something. Like the terraces on Adams land.

Someone has driven a van off the edge of one of the terraces. It seemed dangerous but it turned out to be OK. Sheffield friends are present.

I'm with my brother Joe. We are on our way to church. We stop at the chip shop and buy lots of breakfast. We get sweet desserts and chips and find a place to sit down and eat. We have time on our hands.

Electricity.  People who use too much will suffer

Journey with people in wild place.

Danger, high hills, falling.

The phone call conversation doing things unconventionally. It's noisy. He says. I'm not here to help you.

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Cousins in the peaks. Climbing a rock. I take risks. I get quite high. Then worry cause I have not got ropes. I climb along the top of the rock and get to another place like a hotel.

Anger. I am with 3 singers and we are trying to get this music together and they give up. I get angry and one of them says no one is going to want to listen to an angry singer and I argue with them and kick up a fuss. I sing at them in an angry voice. I run away from them and find myself in the park. I have built this as platform out of pallets. A bit of it is falling down. I leave it unfinished.

I am at the entrance to dad's old allotment. I leave my shoes by the shed. Phil Thomas has a piano room in the shed. I am going to have a lesson with him. He knows about expressing anger.

Together we sing and cry.

With James, Joe, conor, and a group of performing people. We are doing a music show.  We smoke some spliffs - Joe wants to make a really big one. James gives me this thing to chew. It's a cannabis like thing. We are getting high . I worry that we will be late for the performance time it's important that we get high before the performance. Conor smokes out if the window

I see J and R in their house. R curls her self up on the chair.

Dad in dream. He tells me that he has got into some trouble by saying that Joseph of aramethia was a Satanist. 

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I am running away from home, from something that has caused my soul to rebel, from something that has made me restless and impatient.

I am walking up the hill. I find myself wandering into the old garage and there I find an old sports car with the keys in , so I decide to drive it. I know I could get into trouble for this but the rebellious energy takes over me. .

I drive up the hill with my foot on the accelerator, getting faster and faster. I see speed cameras up ahead, but I am enjoying the speed too much to be concerned about slowing down. Besides, it's not my car so I won't get fined.

I go through one speed camera, and another and another, each time getting faster. I see the camera flashing, knowing that the authorities will be on to me. I hear a police car in the distance and guess that it's best I get off the road now.

I drive down some back roads, until I get to an old abandoned industrial place. Scrap metal is lying around and piles of bricks. There is a stream running at the bottom of the yard, and the plants and trees have grown up around it. The stream emerges out of a tunnel and my instincts tell me to go inside the tunnel to hide and get away. At first I am daunted by the idea but then I see light at the end of the tunnel and the thought of getting away from the police becomes stronger than the fear of the tunnel.

I pass through the tunnel and at the other end I come to some fields. I recognise where I am. It's the country side I am familiar with. There is a farm house up ahead. I go into the farm yard, and I see a pic sty. There are three pigs and they are drowning, the water is rising.

The biggest of the pigs manages to push down the top of the wall which lets the water out, but the smallest of them has already drowned. Now the farmer arrives with a gun. He needs to kill them. Their meat is needed by the locals. He shoots the two that are still alive in the head and also slits their throats. As the blood drains from them, so does their life. The farmer stands in the midst of this death.

Now my friends arrive. There is going to be a party. I can still hear the police cars in the distance, so i want to get away again. I see some rocks leading down into a valley which looks peaceful. I start jumping on the rocks. I am taken back to my childhood, a reminiscent memory of joy jumping the rocks. I jump over all the rocks, tears streaming from my eyes.   There's a friend here with me.  This friend is autistic. He has a special relationship with the rocks. They are his anchor. They also help him to fly. The more I jump the more I merge with my friend. Together we begin to fly. As we fly two dogs arrive and travel with us.

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I am in a room with a lady who is playing guitar and singing. The more she sings the more emotional she becomes. She starts crying as she sings. When she realises that I am listening she apologises for being so emotional. I feel the need to cry with her, because my heart feels broken, and her song is helping me release the grief. I tell her to keep singing and together we sing and cry.

They are called Adam and Eve

Dad getting massaged by Jude. He is tired. He needs help. We traveling to France together. In Zim I am gathering my tools. Gary kai. War breaking out. Driving down the long road to mashingo. Amazing pillar stones on either side

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I am with some friends. Sexualy frustrated. Can't find what I am looking for. Habit to resort to computer porn interrupted by too many people around. Shy. I see an image of a beautiful girl wearing only knickers rotate continually before my eyes.

I am at home. Down the block. Changes outside people's drive ways. New plantings.

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The rain. Clouds , beautiful sky's. The rains have come because we have asked them to. The rain makes everything green again. The land becomes abundant and fertile. We are happy. Joy flows through the land  

I meet a guy on a combi with his girlfriend. They are called Adam and eve. They got married when they were 15 and a half. Now they are 17. Adam is worried about his life. He doesn't know where he is going. He feels his life is boring. I show him that he is really doing amazing things. At his age to to wandering the world, and be so grown up is impressive. The other people on the bus think so too.

I meet a lady who's husband is going to live on a space station for a number of months. He is going to be studying the stars and the earth from space. She is so proud of him, and a little scared as it's gonna be very lonely. She shows me the plans and the design of the space station. It's only small. He will be on his own for the trip. This has always been his dream. To go to outer space to explore and understand the universe.

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About my mother...

About my mother

She tells me a story about her life which I have not heard yet.

We are at the sea side. It's getting dark. I have to gather fire wood so that I can cook an animal I have caught. Mother tells me about how once, when she was traveling across the ocean she was starving and cold , she killed a dear and had to eat it raw to survive. She nearly drowned, but managed to survive by swimming to a boat that picked her up. My mother is a strong and powerful woman.

I don't have allot of time to cook this meat so I have to be fast on the beach. I meet 2 children while gathering fire wood. I have an appointment with some people.

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I have to steal a car to break into the castle. I fight with the monster and win.

I meet the king. I have completed the first two stages of initiation and now it's time for me to move onto the third stage: marriage.

.

I meet with the family. There are arguments with my dad and it's related to stages of growing up. I get angry with Luke Turner . my brother James gives me some tips. We have to play music together.

I break into the botanical gardens with Simon b. It's part of an initiation ritual. I realise that it's the same as I have already done with P.

Don't trust the green waters

Don't trust the green waters. There may be lots of life in it. No one knows where it came from. Getting led on a journey which I can't control. Losing control and getting trapped

At the sea side. Family holiday. Lots of people going on journey together. Different families. At a show. There one family keep chickens. They allow the kids to sacrifice them. Big fat father. With golden hair and blue eyes.

Some one wants to give a permaculture talk but the animals he needs to give the talk are killed or injured by the bigger fatter birds.

With P

With Christopher mason. We eat black pudding. Energy food.

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At Adriano's house. Giuseppe. Cultural misplacement or feeling like the family I am staying with are from different culture.

In mazowe

I get shown Jessi having a skin problem. Like vegetables or sea weed growing out of the skin. I tell my friend that I will ask Dominic about which herbs to use to treat it. Dominic responds and says he knows about it. He can see it to.

I am shown hidden sexuality of girls. I see images of them masturbating. They enjoying playing with them selves.

I meet my dad. We are part of this pilgrimage. A spiritual work.

I don't want her, i need her...

I hear this music in my dream within a dream and it possesses me. I cannot stop hearing the music in my head and it makes me run and dance. But now I want t to have a rest from the music and dancing but it won't stop. I have to keep on dancing and moving. I try to wake myself up and tell myself it's just a dream but it doesn't work. I slap myself. Still dancing only more frantic. The more I do the more I become possessed. I decide to not do anything but just lie down and rest  now I wake up into my first dream. I knew I would be OK.

Joseph and friends owns night club illegal. There has been a murder someone shot. Someone suspicious was hanging around. I thought something would happen.

I'm at the steep road. It's too steep. It's Where the girl lives. She's not in but when I'm leaving to go to the fair she arrives back. She asks me what I'm up to and I say nothing much and she invites me in for a cup of tea.

We are now at the fair at the top of the hill. There are lots of farms selling their products. Different farmers represented.

Take jessy to see pigs. Jessy needs some medicine So that he don't get I'll. We Net Noah and James. I forgot to put lid on the bee hives. James goes back to check on the bees.

We are Tasting honey.

James tells me mum wants me to go back up to the school fair. I knew she would. She thinks I will meet the girl I want.

I do meet this girl. She has an almost Indian look about her. Her skin is a tanned copper color. I Kiss her. We are  near Rustling road. She knows me and I know her but I don't recognise her from the dream.  She says to me you do want me don't you? I say to her i don't want her, i Need her.

.

Her and her friend have taken over next door allotment. It was my dad's old allotment.

I meet The old man who was a sailor. I meet him on a day good for sailing. He wants to take me on his boat. I try to climb on but don't get on. The mast falls in the water. The old man tells me it won't work. The sail is too heavy. He had made too many extensions to the sail and now it needs repair. And the boat. He asks me to go round to the other side of the lake. There are polluted water s. I have been round that way before. Damage done. I have to face the poison. I get my feet and hands in it I worry it will make me sick. I have to climb over a broken building. I slip and a nail goes into my 4 th toe in my right foot. I pull it out. Not gone deep.

I meet a girl who draws funny pictures. She reminds me of R.

She has these faces which tell a story. 

She is friends with R. She gets R to draw a picture. She draws a Christmas tree with some flowers on it. They are a label saying elderflower from Stephen watts tree.   She draws a picture of her self in the tree.

I meet Pete. He is tired. I stay in his room. His mum wants to come see him. She arrives.

I am with a new girl friend who is not right for me. Things don't feel right. She is very demanding of me.

I meet a gold miner who has this rock. A gold stone. He is carving at the seams. He asks me if I can carve. I tell him I can and suggest he gives me the tools so I can prove it to him.

eat the brains of foxes...

Music concert. Improvise performance conor meet his match, amazing creativity, another guy bouncing off what conor does. Very entertaining. Lyrically inspired.

At church. Outside in rose garden.

At a fun slide. Meet strange man. He leads me to a performance of this musician who uses rats to eat the brains of foxes and then eats the rats. He sings a song about it.

We have stumbled upon a ritual...

I am exploring this old sacred ruin, an Egyptian pyramid.

There are groups of people looking for gold in the rocks. Some people are finding quite large amounts hidden in cracks between the rocks. This one boy shows me a handful of unrefined gold he got quite easily just with a hammer.

I explore the rocks myself and soon I find a place where there are these big lumps of gold hidden underneath the steps of the temple.

It feels a bit wrong to take them, but then there are lots more. And the gold is soft and pulls off in lumps in my hand.

An official sees me and wants to metal detect me because he suspects that I am stealing. I have to confess and I take the lumps out of my pocket. My conscience forces me to take all of them out.

When the officials analyse the gold I have taken, they show that it has actually been carved into little sculptures. They say that just one piece would be worth thousands of pounds. One of the pieces I squeezed into a tube of gold because I really wanted to keep it.

How I am go back with it is beyond me. Surely I will be found.

I am driving around in a car, with friends around Sheffield. We take an off road route, and it leads through the park.

I have a kite and it gets caught up in a tree. My mum is with me. This tree has other spiritual energies around it. We have stumbled upon a ritual. I get so caught up in it that we agree that I have to join this group and connect with them. My family leave me. I meet the organiser of this ritual. He looks like a wizard. There are quite allot of young people. They are into war craft. They have all these models.

I walk into the woods and there are spooky noises going on. People are trying to scare one another.

go and do what you need to do...

Stephen, don't wait around here, go and do what you need to do...

These words come from my mum.

We are at a motorway service station. I am sat around not sure what to do with myself. To fill the time I am picking up my Mbira and playing it, but underneath the surface I am restless. There is adventure and the unknown that are calling me.

We are basically getting a divorce. If we were still going to school we would be splitting up now, so listen to my advice and do what you gotta do. .

These words echo in my mind, triggering fears and opening doors.

Yes Joseph is sad, but he will be OK. The dreams of future plans might not be as he imagined to be.

I am at a cross roads, both literally and metaphorically.

I have some big decisions to make. The hunter spirit is calling me and I cannot stay at home. I must make a move and follow my deeper dreams.

We are going on a sailing trip with the family. We sail out to a little island. We are fishing for things in the water. Not fish but old treasure and appreciation m special equipment from ship wrecks.  There is little for us on this island but we find things in the water. . one of us pulls up an old boat.

I am playing piano at my piano teachers house. There are three pianos to choose from. I want to play the grand one. I am trying to remember how to play the Chopin piece which is the nocturne I used to play.

I meet Judy Clifford and the Clifford children. They are growing up. I am still interested in Becky. Judy says some things to me.

Why I am not married...

I'm being tracked down. Some one wants to kill me. I'm having to run away. To hide.

I meet a very clever person who is also being tracked down. People want to kill them too. We are videos on this guy. He is very friendly.

I draw a picture of the king. Parallel to last dream last night. Meeting an important leader. I see clearly the lines. The colours. My mum sees my drawing.

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I am by the sea side. There is a community by the sea side.

They own a beach. I choose to visit them in this van which I get a lift in.

I want to swim in the sea. I start paddling.

There is a woman who tells me to catch some fish or something.

It's the perfect timing. I am shown this lizard like creature. It has poisonous mouth venom but if you grab it by the tail and throw it out on to the beach it is fine, it dies. Then people cook them.

I meet a man. I am telling him about my relationships. He asking why I not married. I saying I am not young but also I am not old. He says that one of his brothers is my age and he has 4 children. I explain to him that I did not have any relationship with women until I had reached the age of 26. That's one reason why I still feel so young. He says, "so are you not inspired to fuck women?" I say "yes I am but for some reason it didn't happen. Maybe lack of confidence or something. I don't know..." I tell him I only have had sex about 30 times or so in my whole life.

Food is being prepared. It is like spaghetti with some meat. Bacon and pork pieces. Strips of meat.

I am hungry.

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I meet John and Lesley biggins. We are in Notre dame. There is snuff I am trying to fit it all in this box. There are some raisins in the snuff. The snuff is white. It looks like musicavakadzi

I taste the raisins. They are nice. Big and juicy.

I am with Pete. I see there are some cherry trees with cherry s on, on a bank. It's steep I climb down the rocks. There are lots of bees. I have to climb through this gap and i don't realise that there is a wild bee hive in the rocks. The bees fly out to attack me. I get stung by bees all over. As the poison enters my blood stream I feel a warmth enter my heart and pervade all over.

Disturbed art

Seeing S,  good to see her. She becomes possessed. Moves so fast I have never seen anyone move from place to place so fast. I worry she will kill herself. She doesn't want to see me. It's not going to work. There's a screen between us, I ask her about Brazil. She doesn't give me clear answer.

I meet this other short girl. She is plump like S. We have been trying to work it out. It's not worked in the past. It doesn't seem to be working now. I leave her with a kiss on the lips.

I see all these interesting art pieces on my walk to school. They are like dolls or   puppets. I see they have been placed at the side of the road like sculpture graffiti. In an almost fairy like garden gnome style. They are all these bright colours. One of the pieces looks like it's got all these normal heads and then these heads with no bones in beneath. It's disturbed art to look at.

Someone says I am like the Jesus healer guy. I realise that I need to break out of the stereo type I have got my self into

Dreams. Dad. Telling me about some work that I can do. Following on from where I left off. There was a job that I never followed up. Some crafts men should have given me the links but they didn't. I tell my dad that they were not looking out for me. Dad says that craftsmen tend to just look after themselves.

I make a resolution...

Dancing in a hall. Everyone has stepped to the side. There is dancing in the middle. I try doing dancing on my head. Head stands. Difficult.  I meet Zoe. She has different hair. Like a mop. I Kiss her.

There is a plant. Like squishy melon. Odd.

There is food

There was the sexual dancing woman. Like daggering.

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I am trying to get my costume ready in time for the performance. I am playing a green man role. I have a mask. I am running it off time. It's time to go on to the stage but i am still getting the mask and trousers sorted.

I miss out on the party because I over sleep, I feel asleep before they leave. I feel regret because I missed a chance to meet people.

I meet j. And I see her girlfriend. She has a little beard. It's so good to see her. She has turned up to watch this film about shamanism with us. She has changed. I don't find her so attractive any more. I make a resolution to not only fall in love with young girls before they are mature because one never knows how they might change as they grow up.

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I'm at coed. Or somewhere similar. There is going to be a weekend happening. I meet all the people who are in the course. There are black and white people. People of all races. I meet R. She is very spiritually advanced. I meet disabled people who can't engage very well. I process with them all up the hill.

themes

Sailing on the sea. Mike right weather. Exhilaration

Noah. Support

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Meet Joe and AM. Jasmine there. There is a dog.

Need to sacrifice.

I have a killer bird. It kills a little chicken by attacking it's stomach with its beak. Then snapping it's neck.

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James playing piano. New song. Travel song

Alice, she is well. Has an Indian boyfriend. He gives her lots of attention. She has changed allot.

The wild animals. Some of them are escaping. Dangerous boar. One threatens me. There's a cat at my feet. While I sleep.

Scott. Praise. Morning circle

Vicky and Timo. Difficulties for Vicky. Timo crazy. I meet my African friends. We are dancing to Michel Jackson.

Sheffield is dreadlock city

With Josh at a posh party. We are taking the piss out of the people who are there by talking in a posh accent. I'm trying to take it seriously because I don't want them to know but I keep giggling. Josh is very good at keeping a straight face.

We are trying to view this special map video thing on a screen. I need to show it to a group of people but I can't seem to get it right.

  We watch it anyway with the viewing being only half as good.

I've made a mask out of a pumpkin and I'm wearing it. It's a very sad face. I'm doing this performance to make people cry.

The lyrics to the song go "life is miserable, life is unbearable.   " To this slow violin music. It's quite like a Japanese opera. Two female singers join in.

I meet H

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There's a big goddess state. Giant. It's controlled by a lady who works inside the brain. I have to attend back from it to get her attention.

I have this work to do with these people. I've of them calls me a porn star.

I meet this girl in Notre dame uniform. I recognise her. She questions why I spent so long in Africa. I was threatening to go back. I have not been given the rights that I deserved.

The best day for a walk. I get a message from my dad. He tells me it's hot in Australia. He says he seen the British weather. Cool clear crisp winter days. Wished he could be back to experience.

Sheffield is dreadlock city. I see lots of people with dreadlocks.