Sailing to America

I'm on a boat, traveling with two other guys. 

Their names are henry and christopher. 

We have been friends for a long time. 

All of a sudden, on a whim we decided to sail off into the unknown, and find some adventure.

Here's a bit of background. 

We all live in sheffield, and have been very active in the urban food growing movements. We were at a talk on a community allotment when we made the decision to go traveling. The talk was being given by an old grower with over 40 yrs experience. My old gardening teacher was there, listening to the talk. It was slightly odd because I thought that he had died. But then I also thought that it could be his spirit that is here listening. He approved of what was being said, which was a good sign as he was always a very righteous man, and for good reasons, he knew what worked and didn't. 

It was there at the talk that we happened to all meet up and go on an adventure. Our lives had been stuck for too long in the old routines and we all needed a change. 

So, it happened to be that my family were having a party gathering down in cornwall by the coast at st Ives. We were all invited. Many of the cousins who we had not seen for a long time were going to be there. During the party my dad talks about one of his cousins who had made lots of money doing photography for a duke and duchess of the area. The duke wanted lots of photos of his wife, both clothed and in the nude, so that he could admire her beauty into the future. We got ourselves chatting to this cousin who had made a bomb and he tells us he has a seaworthy boat that can take us anywhere we want to go. So we got ourselves down to the docks one morning and we find the boat ready for our departure. 

Time passed, the voyage was long and uneventful, and soon enough we find ourselves gazing at the east coast of america, and sail into the docks of new york. 

The place we dock is a run down harbour, with abandoned warehouses and empty buildings. Old disused cranes haunt this place, the shadow of a former industry. 

Once landed, we wander the streets looking for adventure. There is nothing here for us but empty buildings. So we sail a little further up, but still no sign of anything exciting happening. 

We are all getting frustrated, making such a long mission for what seems like nothing. I am feeling very impatient to the point where I feel I want to sail all the way back, but henry protests and has a mini breakdown. 

"Just let us rest here for a while, we will find something" he says. 

Just then, a new part of this warehouse opens up to us, and we see that there are people doing up this part and turning it into a cool new trendy shopping and apartment area. One guy comes up to us and says,

"didnt you know this used to be Jimi Hendrix's flat"? 

"well" we remark, "this is how we can make money, we do it up as Jimi Hendrix's flat and rent it out to people!"

As our ideas come to crystalise, I bump into an attractive lady who takes me on a wander along the side walk, where there are all these trendy shops. I am just about to make a move, by asking her out, when a guy who she remembers from way back in the past turns up just the other side of a pain of glass. She stops , and they meet and decide then and there to go for a  meal and I will join them. 

We are sat down in a restaurant now, and the waiter comes to offer us the menu. She flicks through the menu as he takes off his coat and hat and begins telling her tales of what he has been up to over the last few years since they last met. He has been though a hard time and it shows on his face. 

Crystals and Children.

I'm with a couple of friends out in west wales. We are on an exploration of this wild cove on the coast. It is very difficult to get to it. We needed a boat because on foot it is totally impossible. Even on a boat it is tricky. We have to land on the next closest cove and climb over what feels like miles of sharp rocks before we get there. It seems a bit like a pointless mission especially as there are plenty of much nicer coves which are much more accessible and hospitable. 

Anyhow, as we are climbing up these rocks something catches my eye, a light in the distance, a glimmer amongst the rocks, and so I go over to investigate. 

As I get closer I see what it is. A cluster of quartz crystals, nestled in a bowl in the sharp grey rocks. Many of the quartz crystals have been loosened. They glow, and are brilliant clear white. I am so excited to find them. All the climb over the sharp rocks has been worth it for this. I want to share them out with my friends and take as many back as I can carry. 

We decide to continue to the cove and pick them up on the way back. At the cove there is an old abandoned ferry. We climb aboard to explore and have some fun. everything is falling apart and rusting. We are in what was the canteen area when my friend pulls the old alarm cord for emergencies. ??An alarm goes off, which totally surprises us, we thought it would have broken long ago. Annoyingly we know that people are coming to find us now, as we can see movement of people in official clothing coming over the tops of the skyline to find us, to respond to the alarm. I am concerned that we will be taken off the cove as we are not meant to be here, and worried that I won't be able to pick up my crystal collection. 

I'm with tom. We are in africa. We are climbing up a steep rock face. This one is smooth. We are looking for crystals. We don't find any, but when we get to the top of the rocks there is an african village. The landscape view from the top here is beautiful and expansive. 

At the entrance to the village there are two people who are my guides. First of all they say I must wash. Its a place where the water is flowing strong and splashing up high. There is a metal grid that goes over the river and the spray comes up. Others are washing here. I am at first timid as I think the water will be cold, but it is warm, as warm as shower water and delightful. 

There are two babies crouched by the washing area. I am meant to give something to them. 

------

I later have another dream about the water in the river getting over heated from geothermal - an earth quake - the earth is waking up, and is unhappy, angry, at what humans have been doing. 

Fighting against authority

She is back. We are together again.

 We hug, we dance, she climbs on me, we lean on one another. We play like children, like best of friends. 

My dad enters. He looks at her and accuses her, 

"We don't allow childish behaviour like that around here". ?

She steps off my knees where she has been balancing, and shys back, to the corner of the room. 

My anger rises 

"That's no way to talk to a woman! We are not doing anything wrong! Sort your attitude out!" 

various themes

Cockroaches - pulling out of grain. There's a scorpion, the scorpion leads them out of the kitchen. Dad says that the cockroaches are rare. 

Joe - embarrassed- pile of shit. -

Crash the car - moving too many things at once. Things getting in the way of the pedals. 

A driver says I will have to retake my test. I am hopeful I won't. 

I'm with my driving instructor again, he's giving me some extra lessons. Its dark and the conditions are dangerous. 

I am down in a basement under a street. There's lots of mice and rats down here, and so there is a wild ferret down here catching them. 

A dog spies the ferret and manages to catch the ferret and eat him by squeezing his body under a tight fence. 

I am with a woman who has a pretty daughter. The daughter is upset. She needs comforting, and the comfort her mother is giving her is not working, so I come over to offer my support. 

We are sat on a little island on a pond. There are floating rafts around the pond, and me and the daughter climb onto one of the floating rafts and paddle around the pond for a while. She is very pretty. We have a cuddle and a kiss. She reminds me of someone I knew from school, who was in my maths class who I found quite attractive.

What is an artist?

I get into an argument about what an artist is around the table. 

It goes something like this - caroline has just started doing a study into art therapy, and is writing as essay on what an artist is. I ask caroline, who is sitting smugly enjoying a glass of wine, what she feels an artist is. I sense that its a bad question at this time, but I follow through anyhow. 

"An artist is someone who expresses the soul".. She answers..

"So you feel there is something spiritual about being an artist?" 

"You are getting too lost in the words... You can't define what an artist is.."

"Well, we have the word anyhow, and words without definition are meaningless, they are just empty shells... "

They try and interrupt me, but I continue, in a more forceful voice, 

"stop interrupting me, you haven't even given me space to finish. If the word artist has no meaning, then I might as well go "Bla bla bla, bla, nnaaa baaa, chhaaa," and it would have as much meaning as saying "the artist is someone who expresses the soul..."

 We do know that the way I say things communicates enormous amounts of information. In a way, you all get a feeling of what I am trying to say, but only in terms of the underlying energy and emotion of what I am saying, not the content I am trying to express." 

We are getting confused within the vagaries of what an artist is... The argument becomes more about expressing our emotional frustrations than about actual conflicts of definition. 

---

My brother joe feels so sad, can't understand why he is feeling like this. He is crying, weeping. Its like there are trapped emotions blocked up inside. I am able to see these emotions better than the others. I see that he needs a tree to express these emotions to. 

I wander into the woods. There are bit of paper lying on the grass between the trees. When I look at them, they are pages of richards teaching material. I know that when the spring comes they will have all disappeared into the ground. 

New carfield house - trying to get there on scateboard, and talk to pete at same time. 

Mum drops me off at a scout hut right up in hillsborough, because off the blue I thought it would be a good idea to go there. 

I feel so strange getting out here.

living passionately

I am late for appointments on a course - I apologise to the lady organising the course. I have to walk along these planks, which seem slightly rotten. High up. 

Women have been waiting for me to finish the course. I am half an hour late. When I arrive they tell me that they have been waiting for me. -

I meet this guy who moves around different parts of the world doing good community work. His life is full of passion. He knows his purpose. He knows his sense of place. He makes people aware that they are living in squalor, and gets them to improve their living situation. 

I wake up praying to my guides to fill my life with more passion for life. I feel like I am wasting my life away so I pray to be filled with more passion. 

The soul

In some ways, the soul is the aspect of ourselves which is god. 

I am singing songs, while trying to get my stuff in order; I have been traveling around, just got off train, and my mum is trying to help me get organised. This man offers me a scent bag, its something that I can tie to my body and store things in. He says it will be useful.

friends - themes...

I'm with ella. We are driving in the car. We are making jokes about shaved pubes for women and coming up with lots of slang terms for them. (Or the absence of them). 

I am talking with tom and lala, and they are talking to me about planning the summer. Ella's boyfriend will has been worrying about having not got all the summer planned out before it happens, and I say that there is no need to plan it all out now. He seems to thing otherwise, as does everyone else. Other than will they all have the majority of the summer planned out. 

I get a really strong feeling that I need to plan out as well, and feel like if I don't I will get left behind or something.

I talk to marion about her water. She tells me it has come from a deep mountain source which is what gives it all the minerals. My body really likes drinking it.

Family lessons, discussions about the soul

I am with my large extended family. We have been doing divination about who is our soul guide, and which members of the family have things to teach us about ourselves. I get shown that my sister is the one who's soul path has a lot of lessons to teach me, and that my soul path has a lot of lessons to teach her. We are meant to be teachers of one another. 

I throw a dart at the dart board but it misses and it lands right in the back of my sisters neck. It lands very specifically on the 3rd vertebrae of the neck. I pull it out and it doesn't cause bleeding and it is fine. I am told that I have hit a spot which has released energy. 

----

I'm with my dad and I am showing him videos of inspiring talkers on you tube. 

We have a discussion about the soul. My dad says that he feels that it would be impossible to kill the soul, even though you could kill the body, that is, if someone were to stab themselves, then the soul would leave the body when it dies. 

I tell my dad about the idea of soul loss, and say that the person would probably do one of two things; either experience soul loss, where the soul leaves the body in order to escape the pain, and would hence become an empty shell, and apathetic, or would go into a rage, and become angry and hostile, because the soul would be fighting to stay in the body but would be confused as to why the body was harming its self. 

-----

I am with my mum and a friend. We are going shopping. I am climbing up these stairs to get to different levels of this shopping complex. The items we need are right on the top floor, my friend says. She leads the way, and as we get higher and higher, the stairs narrow, until there is only a very narrow path with a steep drop down the middle of the spiral staircase. 

I don't find the items I'm looking for up here, so I drop down a level or two. Here there is a restaurant. We go inside and meet dad and the rest of the family here and have some food. The people running the restaurant have the items that I am interested in. They are tuppawear boxes and some seeds. It seems like a strange place to pick these up from. 

There are two people who give a talk about growing at the end of the restaurant opening times, but they don't really know the details of what they are saying. I tell people to go to heeley city farm for more info, but it is all hurried. 

Dad has a female soul. I see him, but it is "her" I see and I see his body elsewhere. My sister is with me and she also sees "her". And they are quite alike.

The Swans

I'm in the water at coed. 

An event is happening. Its a wedding procession ceremony or something similar, and I am helping with the procession. 

Me and my brother and a friend have to swim to the other side of the lake, where the swans are entering. As the wedding procession comes down the hill, the swans are let out and they all enter the lake. It is our job to make sure they go in the right direction. When we get to the other shore of the lake, we find that they are all women, and they enter the lake as women, and by the time they reach the other side they have become swans. 

My friend Alys is one of the swans, and she dives into the lake like a fish. 

I watch as more women come down the hill and enter the water.

A boring kind of dream...

I am entwined with this girl. She hands me a baby girl. The baby wants me to kiss her which I do. Me and the girl entwine together, legs wrapped about one another, rolling, falling, playing, laughing. The passion rises, the feeling mounts. 

-

Im now with Jessica. She is in the next door neighbours back garden, and I chat to her over the wall. She feels a deep loss. She is approached by people who I think are going to rob her, but its not true. I mis accuse them and they turn out to be actually friends. 

I go to back of house. I have left box of screws and metal things outside, they been raided, and are lost for good. 

My mum is upset. She is always doing the work, she is fed up that she is not able to get others to do the work.

I am in a strange music thing. I leave, see an old man, like phil thomas and we are going to a jazz night. We go inside and its a jam, not very good musicians... but ok.

Stringless

I am with seth driving in a little mini jeep along a race track. The jeep is too small for me to sit comfortably in, like its designed for kids, but I am still trying to fit into it as an adult. 

I ask him how I should sit in it. He suggests up on the back of the seat, but I decide to squeeze into the seat so I have a lower centre of gravity and feel safer. 

I drive along, its like I am at my old school, st maries. 

I bump into simon. He is talking with one of his friends. They have a bunch of little bits of string. Each one of them represents one of the girls in their class, and they are playing a game, dividing the strings between them, to see which ones they get. 

I feel left out. I don't have any strings. 

I drive back to my home which is in a large wall box, and climb up into it. I enjoy the security of the space and the familiarity, but I still feel lonely. 

The Helicopter crash

I am with Rich and with katy.

 She needs pulling through very deep slushy mud. After doing so, we come to a Graffiti workshop space in Bristol. I decide to write the word CONE , as a tag, so I spray it on a wall. There is a filming crew just near me, who have been allowed to film us. It is permissive graffiti, we have been allowed to use this space. 

The walls are like old abandoned ruins, and the atmosphere is smelly with aerosol spray. I meet a girl, who I fancy, and I travel with her parents to a train station, and meet up with new friends at the train station. 

I wanted to get her off track, away from following her parents but instead I end up going to visit this growing project in Scottish boarders. 

 Its on north facing slope in a very poor area. It is winter, at Imbolc time. I talking with an artist and journalist about the project, and about how this new initiative have been working to get people involved. It has been hard work the tell me. Its not going to be easy to keep it going they say. But there has been success on projects further north than this. So all is possible.

 While we are there talking about project (we can see the sea in the background) a helicopter flying noisily overhead preventing us from talking. It crashes to the ground, and I am reminded of the dream where I saw this happen before. The artist gets on the phone to call the emergency services. 

It has crashed next to the community centre. The artist I am with shows me the art work that is in the community centre. Its made out of something like glazed ceramic and it will last a long time. Longer even than the building that contains it. 

I feel I'm getting left behind. I see others who are moving forward while I remain stuck in a rut. It feels awful.

Gaga

I'm in wellow and Gaga is showing us some of his sculptures. 

He has been carving these 3 relief heads. They are of different saints or holy people. They have decorations around the faces. 

Gaga seems to be really pleased with one of the carvings of the heads. Its one that seems to stand out above the rest. 

We are moving the sculptures out of the studio. We are carefully putting them into boxes. I have been doing some sculpture in the studio and my sculptures are being moved as well.

Darkness as an Ally

I have escaped from being killed...

People were plotting to get rid of me, because I was getting in the way of their plan. 

Basically I was helping this farm to get its feet back on the ground again, by getting it organised and sorting out the problems that it was having. There were these few people who were put in charge of certain aspects of the farm deliberately to make a mess of it so that the farmer would go bankrupt. I could see this happening all too clearly, and so I put myself in such a position to stop this happening. 

I was aware of them plotting to kill me because I overheard a conversation that they were having. I got out of this building just in time before it exploded. I hid in the dark. I stayed there for a long time, long enough for the darkness to become my ally.

The Escape

Its all a plan to try and get rid of me, and any other rebels who won't conform...

The roman emperor has discovered that there are rebels amidst his tribe, and he knows all too well that they won't conform, and will be the downfall of his empire, if he doesn't do anything to get rid of them. 

So, he has planned a special celebration day, as a disguise to round up the rebellious, a day where he will get rid of everyone of them in a display of public sacrifice. 

I know this for some reason, and, being a rebel, I also know exactly how to avoid it; I have a plan to run off to the woods and live a wild survival life hidden amidst nature until the corruption has gone from the city. 

-

It is important that no one suspects I know anything. So I keep quiet right up until the day of the celebrations, and make my plan. 

There's a wall all around the city, with security posts dotted along it, with armed security guards keeping a close eye on all that happens at the city walls. There's a little bit of wall which I have climbed over before which leads straight to the woods, an area I am familiar with. 

I have a friend who has been hanging out with me who I will sneak out with me, right at the time when they will want to know where I am. 

-

The time rapidly approaches for the celebrations. The plans become sharpened. Everyone is gathering in the central square. Me and a friend have about an hour left before we will be found. I decide the time is right to make our escape; everyone's attention is on the celebrations and we can sneak away unnoticed, and my the time they realise we're gone, we will be hidden away in the woods. I call her. She comes, and together we begin making our way to the bit of wall that is near the woods which we can climb over. 

Just as we are approach the wall, a guy spots us from the distance and comes over to see what we are up to. He immediately suspects that we are planning on climbing over. He doesn't however suspect that we are the rebels as he knows nothing about underground rebel movements, he just thinks we are trying to escape the city walls for a while to have some fun. 

We don't want anyone to see us leave, so we abandon our plan to climb over at this point and ignore the mans comments about us breaking the law. 

I decide that we need to go over to the other side of the city where there is more space, and try and escape there. Sometimes the roads to the outside world are left open, and if one is quick you can avoid being seen by the guards. We make our way quickly and quietly across the city. 

Driving and Football.

Driving from the back seat of the car is never a good idea. I've nearly crashed about 5 times now, and I have passengers I'm taking places. 

One of the places I'm trying to get to is lammas. I have explored the routes beforehand. I know that the quickest route is to get out and walk across the fields, as a short cut. But when we try to get across the fields we find out that a new quarry has been built and its blocking the way. Its a huge monstrosity of a quarry, a scar on the landscape. We have to navigate our way around it without being seen, as its a private land 'no access' place, and we would be in a lot of trouble if we get caught. People are relying on me to lead the way. 

-

We are playing a football match at the back of church. The football is a little bead about the size of a pea. Its not very satisfying. Neither team is trying that hard, yet it is an important match to play, whoever wins this one will go through to the finals and potentially make loads of money. 

I rouse my self to action, and score a goal. I figure out a new way of playing which may be cheating - I pick the ball up with my toes and throw it into the goal. I use blankets to stop the other team progressing. 

I think I will get told off by the referee. 

The Dinosaur Mask Mass

I'm in st william's church, our usual spot near the front and mass is going on. Its a special occasion mass, I'm not sure which one, but the priest is wearing red and he is giving out special blessings and gifts to people in the community who have been doing good deeds. 

Many of the gifts that are being given out are costumes and masks. They are made out of a synthetic fabric that is a bit like a tough foam that lots of children's toys are made out of. A dinosaur mask comes my way and I put it on. It fits quite well. I watch the priest giving out other gifts. He talks in a very traditional way. He is an old man with grey hair, and well shaven. My dad gets a gift. Many other people get gifts which are like dinosaur costumes in the same style as my mask. 

Now communion is being given out. We are all queuing up for it like usual. I am wearing my mask now. It has all this small holes and slits for the eyes, so I can see, but only just. The vision is all disjointed and blurry. 

I am going up to receive communion now. I am one of the last to go up. I wonder weather I should take my mask off to receive it. I decide at the last minute that it would be a good idea. When I do, there are a number of people at the front pushing there way to get communion. There are only a few hosts left. The priest tells off the people who are pushing. There is no wine left. I get a communion but it is a broken piece. I remember however that its the symbolic side to this ritual that counts, not the reality. 

The Axis Mundi

I meet him in his allotment shed. He demonstrates these acrobatics to me which seem quite impossible, almost showing the capabilities of a monkey or other such creature that can traverse any trunk or branch effortlessly. 

Ill try to explain exactly what he did. There is a central beam to the allotment shed made out of a solid tree trunk. It is perhaps oak or ash. It is carved and decorated. It runs from south west to north east, at a slight upwards slope. At the southwest end is a springboard or flexible wooden board as part of the wall. I watch him jump up into the air, kick his feet against this spring board and move horizontally along the tree trunk beam, guiding himself with his hands, which are aided by the carvings in the tree trunk. This all happens in a flash, and before I know it he is at the other end of the shed. 

He repeats this motion, just to show me that he has mastered it. I attempt to traverse the beam in the same way I saw him do it, but realise on first attempt that it is way beyond my capabilities. I notice also, when closer up to the beam that it has skulls incorporated into the beam toward the north end, which make it look like a totem pole or similar spirit pole. I get the feeling this is a magical pole, an axis mundi, and this is the reason why he can traverse it with ease. He has built it in line with his spiritual truth, and navigates it as a way to shift between the different realms of reality. 

- 

I'm with pete and a bunch of friends down by the park. We are all on a mission to climb up a tall tower. There is conflict as to how we get up this tower. I want to go one way but the others want to go another way. 

I climb up a lamp post and put a graffiti sticker at the top. One of my friends tells me not to do it, at which I feel I am doing something wrong, and the nervousness makes me put it on badly. I blame my friend for distracting me and we part ways for a while. I meet another friend who is doing graffiti and I feel comfortable with this friend. 

Eventually we all meet up again at the top of the tower. It is windy and cold. I look out of one of the windows and its a very long way down. 

The Madman

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere there is a madman.

 We happen to have accidentally crossed paths. This "we" I mention, is a traveling group of festivalers; the wanderers who live on the festival circuit supporting the crew. 

We are in a warehouse, or a big empty farm barn. The madman has ambushed us in this barn. He has people working for him, who have been infected by his psychosis. For the sake of telling the story I will call these people his henchmen. 

His henchmen surround us from the edge of the barn while the madman is in the center, wielding a gun. He is pointing it at us, from one person to the next, and giving instructions in a loud fearful voice. 

"I don't want any funny business! Just do as I say and no one will get hurt!" 

We stay motionless, fearing for our lives. 

I am at the back of the group, slightly hidden by a pillar. I have an apple in my hand. I have been eating the apple. My mobile phone is in my pocket and I consider trying to call 999. I know that the consequences of getting caught could be dire, but if I get away with it, we could get ourselves out of a tricky situation. 

I put my hand down into my pocket and press the numbers for 999. I don't dare take the phone out of my pocket let alone whisper anything down it. Too much risk. I just hope somehow that the person on the end of the line will be able to hear the madman's voice giving orders and realise that something is up and come find us. 

We are being kidnapped. That seems like what is going on. I don't hold much hope for the phone call bringing any relief. I have a new plan. I will eat a message into the apple and leave it somewhere to be found. 

I start nibbling and pressing my thumb nails into the apple to make words and symbols so that if someone finds it they can know what has happened. 

One of the henchmen spots that I am up to something and so he comes over. I quickly abandon my message and destroy it in two huge bites of the apple. 

He reaches me and grabs the remains of the apple off me and takes it to the madman. The madman, despite his craziness has an acute perception and intuition. Even though my message has been destroyed, he reads my two big bite marks immediately as a sign of something covered up in a moment of hurry. 

"I know what you're up to! These two bite marks are no ordinary bite marks, they hide the signs and I can read through them! You are trying to alert people to our presence!"

I am worried now for my life as I think I will get shot. But the madman is also fearful, and he doesn't want to attract attention by making unnecessary noise. We all get ushered along to some vans that are waiting for us at the edge of the barn on a dirt track. The back of the vans are opened and we are being rounded up into the vans. 

Just as we are ready to set off, a noise of cars is heard in the distance driving quickly. All of a sudden there is a screech of tyres and breaks and flashing lights. The police have arrived. 

As quick as a flash, the madman and the henchmen jump into the vans and drive off with us in the back. The police follow closely behind keeping speed, while we stand and crouch in the back of the vans like cattle, trying to keep our balance, wondering what will happen next, while I am wondering weather it was my phone call that alerted the police to us. 

-

We seem to have gained some space between us and the police, though they are still hot on our trail. We are driving through woodland and a bridge is approaching. The madman has a plan. He asks the driver of the van he is in to slow down when he gets to the bridge. He gets a grenade out of his pocket and pulls the plug on it and drops it onto the bridge. His hope is that it will blow up the bridge just as the police are driving across it, preventing them from following us, and maybe taking a few of them out with the bridge. What follows is that the grenade rolls off the edge of the bridge and into the stream below, much to the dismay of the madman, and the relief of us. The chase continues. 

 -

The wood thickens and the paths diverge in many different directions. We are taken along windy narrow tracks and we loose the police. It feels like we have been driving for hours and I imagine that the fuel on the vans must be running low. 

We enter a clearing and the vans stop and we are let out. The madman has some new plan. The look on his face has changed. Somehow I can see that he is running out of ideas and is afraid. Cracks are appearing in his dictatorship and he doesn't know what to do next. His expression has changed from what was once a tyrant, to what is now a lost and confused teenage bully. 

I feel a strange sense of pity for the madman. What could have been the causes of his madness and why did he end up in such a state of mind? Is there not another suffering human being, who didn't get the love he needed when he was young, or was he always this way?

He is still pointing his gun at us, but we know now that he won't use it. There is too much fear in his eyes, and he is becoming a gibbering wreck. He is also becoming delirious, as if a possessive force was taking over his consciousness... 

-

I'm taking with my friends. 

"I met a guy in a dream who told me he had hanged himself. He was very fearful. He couldn't stop fantasizing about death. He hanged himself in some woods, to shock his friends because they didn't understand him. His bouts of psychosis confused them and they couldn't help him to release the possessive spirit that had a grip over him. He hanged himself because this possessive spirit got the better of his conscience and he had no choice."

"It sounds like someone I knew", my friend says.

"He had a name badge on his shoulder", I say, "it said Jeffery" 

"Yeah, that's him. You dreamed of my friend."

"He was really suffering. He wanted to be free of his suffering. He wanted his soul to get to a safe place, away from all the torment." 

-

The madman breaks down in front of us. He collapses in a heap. The henchmen are confused and don't know what to do. I and a few friends go over to the madman and I put an arm around him. 

"When did you die, Jeffery?" 

"Years ago. I hanged myself. Please help me. I don't want to be in this nightmare any longer". 

I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and pain. I ask the angels to come and help this stuck soul, to help him be free. Immediately I see a sense of relief in his face, as if a burden was lifted. 

I weep uncontrollably and the landscape changes around me. 

Within the woods a temple appears full of stone carvings of the gods and goddesses. The sun is shining on the faces of the deities and somewhere deep inside me, I know them to be alive, even though they appear as stone in front of me. At the entrance of the temple, a young teenager lad walks quietly and peacefully up the steps and into the temple. 

Hercule Poirot

Hercule Poirot

The detective is investigating a murder case. He has an insight. His minds thoughts are like the birds which fly up into the sky to explore the world. 

He disguises himself; he blacks out his eyes, at a murder mystery party, so that he can blend into the party and people won't know that he has his eyes open. 

Tara is in the dream. We have to make an altar for tara, I lay some offering around the altar that I know will help her. 

We find some land which we get excited about. Kate is here, and rawley talk about how Goats are possible which makes kate very excited as well as me. 

My friend has a breakthrough in how to overcome porn addiction.

manoeuvre-ability

Conor. Music day one morning. In sheffield. 

Its at my parents. 

Conor has been practicing for it. He plays me some of his new tunes. 

My brother james comes along to music jam. 

James shows us some photos of just after when nelida was born. He comments on how thin she was looking in the photos 

James says that he really needs to get in touch with tom cammel. He gives me a number to call. Its a 7 digit sheffield landline number and I phone it from my mobile before realising that I need to put 0114 before it but miraculously it rings through to toms house. His younger sister (or female friend) answers, and I ask if its toms house and where he might be. She tells me he is out, but that he already knew he needed to meet up, as he needed to connect with the nature. He has a little girl now, and he needs to get healthy and connect her to the nature so that she develops all the right instincts. He wants me to come with him to help her with this, as I know what's edible and what's not. 

So we were out for a drive to meet up with a few others but on the way we take a wrong turn, and so tom drives into this rich guys driveway to turn the car around. Its a very tight space, and there's not much room for manoeuvre-ability. 

needed to turn round

Angry rich man. Posh. Starts complaining that we have used his drive for turning round. 

Tom has to be super careful not to hit any of the posts in driveway. 

Angry rich man is mad. 

The angry rich man comes out and starts walking towards us going to attack us. 

I feel guilty for hitting the man and grabbing back my keys but I needed to do it . 

We drive off really fast. 

Sacred objects - the Heckeltites

So, I am at home with my parents. 

They are asking about what I have been up to. I tell them that I am expecting to meet simon, as I had a dream where he was going to come to sheffield and this was confirmed by him contacting me after the dream to tell me it was true. The dream was about how one of the precious items in the church was being given away, and he had been contacted to see if he would want it. It was the old chair in the church that I remember so well as a kid. I tell my parents this and my dad says

 "oh, maybe he has connections to the Heckeltites". 

It appears that old sacred objects get passed around to those who have the connections within the right circles. They don't get sold. I tell my dad that I know that simons dad is a priest so perhaps the link is there. 

Cosmical Roots, and leadership.

I'm with james, my bro, and conor, and 2 black guys who are rappers. 

Simon is showing us how the iboga plant works. He says look at the root

- playing with this cosmical thing

"Its like playing with the universe"

Different from peires way of doing things

-

I wander off, I get emotionally and litterally stuck in a ditch, I fall down, and thanks to these girls who came to see the witches who lived in the ditch, I don't bang my head and hurt my self, but instead my head lands on the arms of this girl.

I am helped out of the ditch. I feel so clumsy. 

I wander back up the hill where the rest of the folk are. I go into the church and sit down. A performance is going on and I am needed to join in, so I grab a guitar and join the musicians sat on the left. Up on stage I see kirsty, I haven't see her in ages. I go up and give her a great big hug. She is playing the "priestess" role for the performance which is largely religious. 

After this I am with ewart and zoe. I kiss zoe in front of ewart which I am shy at doing because it kinda says, "I'm going out with her" now, and I'm not sure weather I want to give that message. But afterwards it actually feels really good to be open with this. 

Now I'm back with the rappers and the iboga. I am amazed at how the root is so cosmical. I can manipulate it into all these crazy shapes and forms. Its like playing with universes. 

My attitude is being shown clearly to me that I am not being very careful. I am clumsy. The others play with it delicately but I don't have the sensitivity to play with it so as to make beautiful patterns. 

One of the rappers is the lead rapper. He has no difficulty just holding a mic and making a party rock, using beat boxing, and a flow of lyrics that seem to spontaneously emerge from his voice, carrying a conscious message of hip hop. 

I on the other hand feel tongue tied. I don't know how to even begin making up lyrics on the spot and so I just try to copy his beatbox style and somehow imagine that if I keep beatboxing confidently enough the lyrics with come. 

I feel like I am almost in some kind of test where I need to show the confidence to be a leader; to show how to speak my mind, to speak my truth. 

Florida

I am getting off a plane in florida. I have to make the right connection onto a train from the airport. Its very confusing. I am really excited about being in america however. I think immediately about contacting kate and telling her. I get through but its a poor line. 

I then get on the wrong connection. Me and a load of other people are then in this waiting room. We decide to climb out of the top of it. 

Its very exciting being some place new. 

Magic Mushroom Tea

I'm with my family in the peaks. 

I find a load of magic mushrooms with james and we decide to make a cold tea with them. I think it has lemons or limes in it. 

Its brewing for quite some time while all the others except for me and joe are out for a walk. While its brewing, there's a turn in the weather and things cloud over and go colder. I decide that the brew needs tasting and so I have a few big glasses. In about half an hour I feel it kicking in, I see the landscape begin to change shape and form. 

 The parents come back from their long walk and we all get ready to eat our evening meal. 

I have been hiding the mushroom tea, but laura spies it and brings it to the table. 

She says she wants some with her meal. 

My dads eyes perk up, "what's that?" he asks. 

There's a kind of sheepish silence. 

"Umm its a kind of fermented drink." I say. 

Its obvious to anyone who's picked magic mushrooms before that its magic mushrooms, and the brew is full of them, and they haven't broken down yet. 

My dad doesn't fall for it. He realises from the silence that this is something that we have been hiding from him. 

"Its magic mushrooms isn't it?" He hedges a guess. 

"Well erm, yes it is!" My brother says. 

"What will it do for you?" My dad replies. 

I say "it all depends, sometimes you barely notice a thing, and other times it seems like the mushrooms came from another planet" 

My brother pipes up "You might like some yourself! Why not try some? When it kicks in for you, you won't mind sexual pillages so much!"

"Sexual pillages!"My dad chuckles to himself and we all laugh with him. 

I am aware of the healing side to the magic mushrooms, and I am aware that they could be very beneficial for my dad in helping him to let go of certain austere mind sets. I am aware that I share the same kind of mind set as him in this regard which is why I like magic mushrooms so much - they help me to break free of them. 

I almost get the feeling that my dad is going to drink some of the tea. I am reminded of how childish people are around drugs and how we don't see them as special medicines which used in a family context can be very beneficial. I am reminded of friends who would have no problem taking a hallucinogen with their parents. 

Connections with land

I'm in a very old town, like the towns in italy or south france- old limestone walls. I'm in the film "fiddler on the roof" as I can hear the music 'tradition' playing. My cousins on my mums side are here. 

I'm with friends too, and we have been looking for places to sleep, but we are getting disturbed because there is some unrest in the town; some political upheaval is going on, and some mafia are taking over the town and robbing people left right and center. We are having to hide from these crazy people. I find a hiding place on the roof of this tent like building. I manage to get some of my friends up here to hide out from what's going on below. 

I have been hanging out on this windy high up bit of land in somerset. 

I travel down the slope to meet people, but realise I've forgotten by bike back up the hill, so I run back up to get it. It is a really nice bit of land just near wellow.

------

I remember being on a bit of land, feeling connected to it, it was very fertile and sunny. I think it was abroad somewhere. I remember hearing the symph track and how it was so good to listen to. I had to thank conor in the dream. Somehow it was connected to getting the land. It was to do with it being a collective project. 

I have been finding that the thoughts of sex are such a distraction to remembering dreams. 

I seem to have a feeling of being by a lake somewhere with friends. 

With joe- lost, I don't know what to do each evening. I have a feeling that I need to go out - see christopher mason. I try contacting john. 

Get in car with joe. Big gates opening. -

Churchy experience - simon - teacher talking - I have these cards - different bits of wisdom on. One guy who contradicts the priests philosophy. 

Gates lead to a river/ canal - this river canal goes over to a space. Tara is there.

The Mass Murderer

With clan sisters. We are in shropshire. Comment re - connection to land - feeling space between.

 See damage to the landscape We meet john simeon. I ask him to show us what he has been researching recently. He takes us to a history museum. We sit down to watch a video. Its a video about the largest mass murderer in america. He is called john johnson. He had a wife as an alias. The video shows just how savage the two of them are when combined. It shows the mass graves and the methods Jj used to kill them. 

The lady giving the talk points out that this guy was also a catholic preacher, to which there is objection from the audience. We become aware that there are catholic people in the audience. 

The woman insists that he is, but she says, "if you don't believe me google it". So a few people get onto their laptops and start googling it. She was right. We see how him and his wife lured people in through making them feel guilty that they would go to hell. 

We see a bit of video of the two of them working. John johnson was blind in one eye, and occasionally white powder would blow out of his eyelids, making his face white. We see some footage of his eyes glazing over, at which point he looks more alien than ever before. It makes us think that there is no chance he could be human, but rather he was an alien disguised as a human. 

I am shown this strange device in the museum. It is a long stick with various protruding simple devices, mostly just more sticks coming off the side. And it forking at the end. I ask what it is and the museum guide tells me that this was his tool he made to help him get the skulls of his victims out of the mass graves he filled, so that he could use them as trophies. 

I handle this bit of equipment realising what a dark history it has had. 

We are told he killed about 200000 people in his life. 

4 dreams - Note form.

Elina - we share work. She has music - she plays me bob dylan - I hear her voice - singing. Suzanne - food link, throwing away an old rotten pork pie. Receiving healing work. - a nun working in ST. Hearing confession. Swimming race - a false start, then one guy is so much faster than the rest - its the welsh swimming contest - tiny pool.  I see a rabbit hiding from the fox, but then the fox sees the rabbit and kills it. I then scare the fox into dropping the rabbit so that I can eat the rabbit myself.

New place, near coed- like a theme park. Very big rich houses, tall trees. At a gathering. Talking about changes, like a festival vibe. People from many circles. Phil gets the train working, its not worked in ages. Some people show me the rosa coed link - its decorated on a board, the work has been done. Dad is here. We discuss setting something up down here like the sacred trust.

We are sat round a table, me hoppi, and a bunch of others. I see some animal cards on the table, and hoppi asks me which one is my card. I say "I don't know, I will pick one for today". Someone else picks one first. It translates as "I need know nothing other than my own name". I get one in spanish. 

It needs translating so I pass it to tamsin, its got lots of O oi uoe ie. When translated it means something like, chickens and ducks are of no particular value. I find myself in a new place, where I am volunteering. I meet someone who I think is kate, but she is not.

Lammas - leeks in the roof, the books get flooded and me and a few people have to fish them out. I find a big river, and I wade into it, and catch a big fish with just my hands. I meet with nigel and zoe and start talking about the bible. "The interesting thing about the bible is that it represents a journey from unconsciousness to consciousness; at the beginning you have God, as the mountain, or the triangle, and at the end you have the individual, the human being. It moves from without to within"I say. "Control" says nigel. He doesn't seem to get what I'm saying but zoe does. I wander off into the woods, I feel I need to spend time on my own. Its cold and windy and wet. I feel isolated and alone. 

The Carvings of the old Gods

Im on Hangingwater allotments. 

There has been an archaeological discovery.  An old anglo saxon
burial remain has uncovered a large patterned shield, thanks to stella. 

Darrel is impressed. There has also been found old carvings. I see a memorable carving of a wolf and  many beautiful carvings of the old gods. They are intricate and abstract; A balance between real and impressionist. 
-

Noah and Nelida come to allotment. I play with them and look after
them. Noah get yogurt on his skin - Marie says to rub in. Its good for his skin.

Funny Films

I'm with a few friends watching a home made video. I wanted to show it
to them because it shows when JJ met cortney pine and a few other
famous musicians.

Its a really funny bit of filming. During the credits after, one
strange name comes up, which I comment on sounding like a porn star
name. One friend of mine says that was her name once. She continues
"yes I was approached by the porn industry when I was thirteen and a
half, they hung me from a nail on the wall...."

Guilty or Innocent?

I'm wandering through town late at night on my way home, and I'm
keeping my eye out for free things in skips; building materials for a
new construction I want to build on one of the allotments.

I have just been visiting my cousins place; Elvin said that he had a
load of old windows that I could use. I have loaded these into a
friends car which is close by.

As I'm passing a big warehouse I notice that there are a load of
planks of wood in a skip. I need to sneak in to get them, as there is
security, protecting the skip, but I am fairly confident in my ability
to do this so I go ahead, climbing over the fence to get to the skip.
I offload the wood and slide in under the fence so that I can get it
from the other side. On my way back round I see some drain piping that
I don't think is for the skip, and I get tempted to remove just one of
them an leave it outside the perimeter, so that I can come back to
collect in the morning if its still there. I feel a little naughty
doing this, but I am also driven by a survival need; I am really poor
and can't afford to buy the things I need to just live my life.

-

Alarms are going off. I drop the drain pipe and run, I don't have time
to collect my wood. As I turn around a corner I notice police cars
have started to arrive.

-

I get back home but somehow the security cameras in the yard of the
warehouse have tracked me, and they are sending round security to
investigate. I am going to be taken to court as a potential criminal.

-

Paul an his girlfriend joanna are helping me. They are helping me by
getting me to formulate exactly what happened.
Its a complex situation, as it seems like quite a few things went
missing from the warehouse that day. I am being accused for all of it,
but there is the possibility that there were two break-ins on one
night, me and someone else, and so I am going to argue this case.

I'm spending the night at my brother joe's. He tells me about how the
store manager found some evidence against me: on the window sill
within the warehouse some pieces of string were found, and one of them
had my name on it.

Court case coming up -

the Song Of Marriage

Im at Church. The adults, all married couples, are singing a duet style song
all about the power love and the renewal of marriage vows.

I see them all gazing into their partners eyes. I see them singing
their hearts out, with love. The music is moving, and everyone is
involved. It is a vivid and moving experience to witness. 

Now there's a new sound; an instrument which is like the kora, but
bigger, and more sounding like a zither. Its being played by bengi and
he is playing it realy well. It is very rhythmical and complex, there
is a framedrum which is amplified and very resonant bassy accompanying
this music.

-

I'm with ailsa, and we are in sheffield. We wake up late, and I'm
going to miss meeting my friend jade.  It starts snowing, my parents
are suggesting ways to get out to meet her but everything seems to be
getting in the way of it happening. There is no phone connection. Its
a huge distance to go in one day.

Paul says he will drive me to meet her, and somehow we seem to manage,
despite the weather being against us, to make it work out.

The Impenetrable Palace and the Fruit trees by the Road

I'm trying to sneak into the impenetrable palace. There are security
cameras everywhere, especially around the gates and entrance ways. If
you are seen even getting close to the gates security guards turn up
to make you leave.
They also have armed guns which follow you round.

I'm with my dad and we are walking close by one of the gates. I have
found this special method of getting in, where I get someone to
distract the security guards (in this case my dad) and I sneak in just
behind them when they come out. I test out my method and it works. Now
I'm inside the grounds of the impenetrable palace and looking around.
There are all these official looking men with smart suits looking very
serious and unfriendly. I'm worried that they will find me, and I'm
not entirely sure what I am planning on doing here. What I do want to
know however, is why they are keeping it so top secret and secure.
There must be dark doings, lies and corruption around here...

-

Filming -

My parents have got this new cottage, or is it an old cottage, just
down the hill from wellow. It is going to get taken away again just
like wellow so it is a sad time. I however have planted a fruit tree
rebelliously at the side of the road, with a few daffodils to either
side of it, which seems to be doing well against all the odds. Just
before giving up hope I notice that someone has planted a line of
daffodils all the way up and down the side of the road, continuing the
idea of the guerrilla growing. Now I am inspired to stick all my fruit
trees in this line because the daffodils will protect them from
getting chopped down. The daffodils are bright yellow and are shining
like golden lights, bringing light anf warmth and joy to this place.
People now pay attention the the side of the road as not just a place
to walk by but also a place of beauty and a place to pay attention to.

-

I'm now playing rugby with simon and joe, I'm kicking the ball but
because of its strange shape it bounces right back at me. Joe suggests
some tips as to how to kick it to make it go forward.