The critical friend

I'm in a room with a bunch of my friends, and I have to see to get a
load of things together in the room in order to be ready to go out.

Its taking me ages to get my stuff together, and one of my friends who
has come specifically to see me so that we could do some recording
together is getting annoyed with me. He waits outside smoking roleups
impatiently.

By the time I finally get my stuff together, which seems to take
forever, I can feel his frustration at me, like a dark storm cloud
around him.

We walk together, through the park, and he sings a melody under his
breath, just loud enough for me to hear, and I know the words are
directed at me.

"And you go round again, and again, and again,"

"Wasting my time, wasting my time, wasting my time..."

I walk, listening to him, thinking, 'but I'm the one who usually
visits you, I'm the one who puts my self out for you more than you put
your self out for me...'

"I'm going to re-record this when I get home, I'm going to do this
myself, I can do it myself..."; he sings on...

I focus on myself, internalize my thinking so I'm not giving him any
energy. I am powerful when I want to be, I can be strong, I can not
let his words get to me, I can play psychological mind games too....

"You like you're eggs don't you?!"

His song words eat into my conscience, his power breaks me, and he
reflects my dark side back to me; my failings, my broken promises, my
self centered egoism, my greed, making me feel like I have betrayed
him as a friend...

I wake up feeling awful.