The Hobbit, bootleg style.

I'm on the big field that we always play football on. This dream takes
me back to when I was about 8.

The other people playing football are bigger than me, and me and my
friend Christopher are a bit timid about joining in. We don't have the
skills of these other boys, we can't kick the ball very far.

The ball comes my direction and I try to control it, and just about
manage to but then end up kicking it in completely the wrong
direction. I get away with it though because it bounces off a fence
and comes back the way it ought to go, and Christopher it able to get
on the end of it.

-

We are putting on an amateur home production of the hobbit and I am
playing the part of Bilbo Baggins.

It was chosen by deduction, - I didn't choose to play this part but it
was gradually chosen for me as each of the other parts gets chosen.

My brother James is playing the part of Gandalf the Wizard.

My mum and dad are film directors. They have their clip boards and are
giving out people their parts.

Also the costumes are really important. One of the elves, I can't
remember which one, perhaps Elrond, has these special markings pressed
into his skin. I help him to get ready, which involves using this
special tool which looks like a bit of jewelry to make marks on the
skin, and when the mark has been made, this special circular thing
gets pressed over them which sends electricity down through them
turning them into blue marks, like a tattoo. I have been putting the
marks on his face, and we are chatting the while.

"Its so silly how boys are discouraged from putting on makeup" he says
to me, "and make them selves decorated and looking nice".

"Most people who saw two boys putting makeup on one another's faces
would probably be judged of being gay by everyone else. Why can't you
just put makeup and decoration on your friends faces when you are a
boy without being ridiculed ? " I say.

Now all his decorations and face markings are finished, I go and see
Gollum. He has got a big mask on, making him look very alien like. It
must be really uncomfortable wearing this I think.

-

Now the filming is starting and I realise that I don't know my lines.
I have been so busy wandering around looking at all the preparations
that I don't have a clue to my own part. And I've got the main part!
What am I going to do?

My parents who are directing the shooting say that it doesn't matter,
and that I know the story line anyway, so just to make it up from my
own head. It will be better that way they say, more realistic.

-

Action. We are filming. I am walking with Sam Gangee up a path and
some people are following us. Sam is carrying a huge rucksack and he
collapses under the weight.

"I just can't go on," he says. "Its too much to carry"

"Here, Sam" I say, "I will help you".

I lift him to his feet. Just a few yards away is a bench.

"Come over to this bench Sam, and I will give you some cider. That
will bring your strength back"

" Thankyou very much" he says, and we get to the bench and I open my
cider bottle.

"This was given to me by Gandalf the wizard. He said to use it when
you are feeling low in energy and can't go on."

We drink and feel its cool refreshing taste revitalize us.

I'm getting into this acting thing. Its all coming quite naturally and
effortlessly.