The Spiritual Martial Art Center

I'm in a building that is the practice center for a spiritual martial art form.

It combines prayer, meditation and fasting with high intensity fitness
training, weights, running, boxing, mixed martial arts and survival
skills.

I am exploring the different rooms in the building getting a feel for
how this place runs and the beliefs and practices that they follow.

They have a regular one day a week where they fast and just drink water.

There are different levels to the disciplines and practices they do. I
meet one of the head figures for the spiritual center and she tells me
that the big initiation is to do a 6 week fast with no food. Only
water and prayer, and to stay in one room for all that period praying.

I think I would not mind doing a one day fast a week but 6 weeks
without food and contact with people sounds too much.

I explore the building, and its a mix of meditation rooms with altars
and fitness sports gyms with lots of equipment in.

I join a group of people who are doing some fitness training and chat
to them. One guy is telling me how he is so much fitter and healthier
than he used to be. He was a business man who used to sit in front of
a screen all day long, and now he goes out for runs and does MMA. His
body is very muscular.

I now go out with a bunch of kids running down a slope and skidding
and sliding. We are pretending that we are skiing because in the
winter when the snows come, this is a classic skiing place.

This one kid I'm with has super intuitive abilities.

Swimming down the rivers.

Autumn leaves bounce along the road, and down the valleys, like a
dance or even a march, (like the way the broom sticks in the sorcerers
apprentice move). Colourful patterns flowing down following the
rivers.

Me and a few friends are swimming down the rivers in the park,
starting from up near the allotments and finishing down by hunters bar
roundabout, whilst having to take a few detours over some walk
bridges.

This is a rebel act. We are not allowed to swim down the rivers, but
we do so as we want to claim our right that we should be allowed to do
this. Its great fun, and harms no one. I have a rucksack on my back
which interferes with swimming a bit, and there are some things in
there that I really don't want to get wet so I am swimming very
carefully. We have to move quickly once out of the water so that the
parks authority lady doesn't catch us.

The song-film which gets rejected by the elders

I'm traveling with the co-op lot. Shiro are moving into a house. I'm accompanying Rosa to a gathering with them. When we get there Pete gives her a really big hug that I think will crush her, but it doesn't.

They are all collecting wood for their woodburners. They have been given
permission by this house to take the old scrap wood out of the cellars
for burning, so they are gathering all they can find. There are other
useful things they find in the cellar which they take with them as
well.

I meet some spirits who talk to me about my grandfather, and tell me
about how he had a really close connection to Odin, and all these
ancient beings. It was to do with the theme of dying gods, and the
merging of Christianity with the old Norse religions.

I'm now with my brother Joe and all the Sheffield friends.

The older generation would like us - to do a performance. Mum and
Nicky are choosing which songs they want to see and which they don't.
I see the set list of choices. Its written in runic letters which read
both across and backwards and up to down and down to up.

My brother Joe gives them a taster of each of the songs that he has
chosen to show them.

Some are in liking with the elders. The ones that are in liking are
mostly nice traditional and folky things, but some are not. One song
film in particular which has this swearing, and the content of which is quite disturbing
- a political piece about a guy who is good but who gets killed by the
people. He gets shot in the end and the elders don't like it. Its not
entertaining but challenging to them and their ideas. I watch it with
the elders and it begins with a very quiet and eerie ambient sound
wash that builds up slowly over a number of minutes into this scary
horror movie esk disturbance and with all these guys dragging this one
guy over to this place to kill him.

My mum says to Joe that he can't show this song film. Joe asks why
not, and my mum says that some things are within our resources and
some things are not within our resources and that this one is
definitely not. It is using up all these special effects all in one
go, and shows no thought to future generations.

My brother protests, and says that she just wants to see what she
wants to see and is not open to new ideas. I see both sides of the
picture, and can empathize with both view points.

Birthday dream - taking responcibility

I'm with a bunch of guys. It is late night and we are talking about
political activism while getting stoned together.

I ask for a rizla and this guy gives me one, and I roll a little
spliff. Its so small that I end up smoking the whole thing myself. I
get the feeling that the other guys were expecting me to give them
some, so I decide I will make another one.

The guy who gave me the rizla has spent many years going on protests
and demonstrations. He talks to us. He talks about how he had just got
back from a protest against some huge environmental devastation, I
think it was a forest being cut down, or fracking.

"We must stand up and unite against these crimes!" He talks passionately.


My friend mike is inspired by this guys active spirit. He talks up,

"Yeah, I would like to make a stance against these environmental
crimes that are being got away with by corporations."

I feel urged to speak,

"I would like to stand up against the general collective insanity and
psychopathic ego that humanity seems to harbour."

Its about 5 am in the morning, dawn is just beginning to break, and we
all stand around just outside the back door smoking. Suddenly dad is
at the back door and he opens it.

"Simon! What are you doing with all these friends? Do you know what time it is?"

He is angry, mad. He is accusing simon because he assumes we are all a
bunch of his teenage mates being rebellious.

James speaks up.

"Dad, its not simon and his mates, it me and our mates and we are
having a smoke."

He stands up to dads authority and in the morning light I see that he
is becoming the new authority of the family. Dad is getting old, while
james is becoming like dad was. He is a dad and is looking more and
more like one every day. No longer will we be steered by dads rules,
and this seems clear to me now.

The great detective

The mythologist Joseph Campbell is a criminal detective.

Because of his great skill with myth, he understands the workings ...

I watch him catch a criminal: he follows the story to the door where
the people live.
He shouts 'in here!' and kicks down the door. He is right. There are
criminals in the house.

Its important, when being a criminal detective to know how to kick, he
instructs us. He kicks some mafia people out of the way,(knowing how
to kick properly is quite important) and follows this little sly fat
man, who runs off, he's the big bad guy behind all the trouble that's
been going on. He follows him through the crowds, until he becomes
cornered and there's nowhere left for him to go.

my parents front

-
My parents have got some new artwork in their front room. Well, its
not new, its the old abstract hippy painted mural that was on the wall
back in the 70's and they have just uncovered it, because its back in
fashion. Not only is it back in fashion, it is also worth lots of
money.

We have this image that is a bit like a Mondrian painting; bright
primary colours, straight lines, rays of the sun. It covers between
two walls. It brightens the room and I really like it.

I try to text pete, its early morning, and my text comes out all
indecipherable: this could be a cue to realising that I'm in a dream,
and to move into lucid dreaming, but I don't pick up on that. Instead
I put it down to being too early in the morning. I can't even remember
what I was trying to text him about.


-

I'm sat in my parents front room doing some divination on a bit of
paper. I have doodled all over the paper as well. My dad comes in and
asks what I'm doing. I tell him I'm doing an iching reading, which I
am. I am always a bit weary of telling my dad about my divinatory
practices, but since he has asked I decide to explain.

"Look, I flick this coin and it generates this figure. And here is the
answer to my question."

I point at the answer. I see that he is looking at all the doodles on the page.

"These are just doodles, they are nothing to do with the iching reading"

"So what has it told you to do?"

"Its not told me to do anything, it has just helped me to clarify my
decisions around things, in particular what to do about the
allotment."

"Divination" I go on to explain, "is a bit like dreaming. A dream
doesn't tell you what to do, but it can help you see things from a
different perspective, and give you an insight into your deeper
motivations and desires."

I see that he's still listening so I go a little further.

"What is interesting is that in my dream last night I dreamed that you
and mum had uncovered a painting from the 70's just on this bit of the
wall. It was like a mondrian. Now you have bought a crystal light
reflecting thing and hung it from the ceiling just where the painting
in my dream was, and it is now bouncing light onto the wall and
ceiling as if it were a painting. Dreams can pick up on stuff like
this".

Archaeology and Ceremony

I'm in this church yard down south somewhere, where an Archaeological
dig is being made. A discovery is found, a great treasure; these big
old carved circular stones from Roman times are dug up from the back
of the church.

On them is carved a picture of a boat with people on, and runic
lettering, above and below the boat. Its not roman lettering. Looks
more like viking but its older than viking.

I comment on the advanced culture they must have had all those years
ago; I point out the sophistication of the large boat design with
sails, stores, sleeping places, and the sophistication of the runic
symbols; they show a complexity which marks the sign of a highly
evolved language system.


Someone digs up a strange voodoo like head. These mafia people come
along to raid the spoils, and they try to sell this head to make some
cash. This guy buys it, and uses it to discover a secret passageway
through to this underground temple. Its a very tight passageway to get
through though, so they plan on sending this little girl in there to
bring out treasure for them.

Instead what happens is that the girls dog, who has been missing for
years comes out of the tunnel. He had been keeping himself alive by
eating human preserved remains.

He is very glad to be back out in the open air and with his owner.

More and more people gather around, as these new found discoveries
become known. I meet this one girl who is dressed in a costume, its a
period costume from thousands of years ago. She looks very comfortable
wearing it. She shows how it can be worn to either reveal or hide her
breasts.   She wears it round her waist, showing he breasts and
talking about how she wants bigger breasts. I quite like her small
breasts I tell her.

I'm sat next to a guy and his girlfriend. Me and this guy, casually,
are comparing dick sizes. I have never done this before, I always
thought it would seem a really odd thing to do, but now it feels quite
ordinary. We are surprised to find that our penises are basically
exactly the same, but mine is just a tiny but longer.

Interestingly his girlfriend looks quite similar to this girl who is
sat next to me showing me her small tits.

Now we have to separate as now lots of people are gathering round in
this ancient tomb site and begin make preparations to have a great
ceremony.

It involves the men and women separating on to two sides of the room
and putting on costumes. The women select a queen out of them. They
choose the  queen of them, the goddess, she is a large powerful,
mother goddess, wide thighs full belly type of woman, and she can
dance and hold a presence like no other. She wears a head dress. She
hold shaking sticks in each hand. More than any of these features
however, she is chosen by the women because she has suffered and has
known suffering.


  There is a choreography guy coordinating the ceremony. Its hard to
follow his instructions, and so when the ceremony begins, me, as well
as many others (mostly the guys) haven't got a clue what we are
supposed to be doing.

(The whole ceremony is meant to revolve around a ritual enactment and
role play of the masculine and feminine forces in our culture, and yet
where the feminine force is the one who we worship, hence the queen,
and where men are basically hear to receive wisdom, guidance and
healing from the goddess and goddesses.)

I look at this guy who looks at me, as if to say "what the hell are we
supposed to do?"

I stand next to him and he says perhaps we could do this dance thing,
but it just seems so odd. I think we both feel a bit intimidated by
all these dressed up powerful looking women at the other side of the
room.
Thankfully the choreography dude stops the ceremony and gives us all
fresh instructions. He encourages the men in particular to move to the
center of the room, to approach the goddess, and to just surrender to
what will happen from then on, to open ourselves to the spontaneity of
the moment. We are not meant to stay on our side of the room, that
much is certain.

  We begin again now, and things feel more certain. Head for the
middle when the time comes. And go from there...

New plant nursery

I'm in a really big plant nursery. I am learning new grafting techniques, and chatting to this guy who knows loads about plants. I am telling him about new ideas that I have been learning while being here.

The Green Scarf

I'm at home and looking for food. Leon and becky are out, but I am
looking after their nephew and niece. They keep wandering off into the
park, and I try to keep them from going to far by offering them ice
lollys from the freezer.

I'm hungry now, and so I look for some food for myself.

All I can find that looks appealing is this black pudding in a packet
in the fridge. I feel like this is what I need to eat.

-

I head down to a music venue in town. Its a little place with a bar.
My friend runs the place, and later this eve my brother is helping him
put a night on.

Its getting up to 8pm, when the doors open. Its going to be electronic
dj's playing funky stuff. I want to go home to get changed out of my
day clothes, but my bro suggests that I just pop round the corner to
one of the clothes shops that will still be open, and save myself a
long trip.

I take up his suggestion, and wander round to this strange little
fabric clothes shop. There are some people in there sat on a sofa. It
feels like I'm interrupting their conversation by walking in. They
ignore me and keep talking, a guy and a girl, she is reading to him
the Lord of the Rings. From the sound of it, they are going to be
putting on a play of it, as they are memorising lines from it.

I finger through the clothes on the rail, and try to be fast. I just
need something for this eve, that will make me look like I've put in
some effort to look nice. I find a green scarf.

The girl on the sofa reads out from the book, "Green, the colour of
the Moon in her feeling for the plants."

Yes, this is what I need, this scarf will give me that confidence.

I wander back to the music venue, only one person has turned up, a guy
called Micheal. I greet him, as I recognise him from way back. It
feels like no-one is going to turn up. Rich, the bar owner tells me
about how business has been down an how he wants to sell up the place
this winter an move to warmer climes.

Little themes

Me and a big group of us are in a gymnasium and we are moving all this
big heavy equipment: poles, planks, mats etc, over to one side so as
to make a big open space to work on. I can only imagine it will be
acrobatics of some sort.

A seal or it is an otter? Sits casually in the corner, watching us.
He/she has a pile of fish right by him/her which he/she munches on
when ever he/she likes.  A cat is here too, also casually munching
away.

The Big Black Bear

All I remember is coming across this big black bear that was dangerous and scary. We could not tame it, and we had to keep our distance, but then I managed to make kind of friends with it, and it helped me get things done, it let me use its strength.

The Hobbit, bootleg style.

I'm on the big field that we always play football on. This dream takes
me back to when I was about 8.

The other people playing football are bigger than me, and me and my
friend Christopher are a bit timid about joining in. We don't have the
skills of these other boys, we can't kick the ball very far.

The ball comes my direction and I try to control it, and just about
manage to but then end up kicking it in completely the wrong
direction. I get away with it though because it bounces off a fence
and comes back the way it ought to go, and Christopher it able to get
on the end of it.

-

We are putting on an amateur home production of the hobbit and I am
playing the part of Bilbo Baggins.

It was chosen by deduction, - I didn't choose to play this part but it
was gradually chosen for me as each of the other parts gets chosen.

My brother James is playing the part of Gandalf the Wizard.

My mum and dad are film directors. They have their clip boards and are
giving out people their parts.

Also the costumes are really important. One of the elves, I can't
remember which one, perhaps Elrond, has these special markings pressed
into his skin. I help him to get ready, which involves using this
special tool which looks like a bit of jewelry to make marks on the
skin, and when the mark has been made, this special circular thing
gets pressed over them which sends electricity down through them
turning them into blue marks, like a tattoo. I have been putting the
marks on his face, and we are chatting the while.

"Its so silly how boys are discouraged from putting on makeup" he says
to me, "and make them selves decorated and looking nice".

"Most people who saw two boys putting makeup on one another's faces
would probably be judged of being gay by everyone else. Why can't you
just put makeup and decoration on your friends faces when you are a
boy without being ridiculed ? " I say.

Now all his decorations and face markings are finished, I go and see
Gollum. He has got a big mask on, making him look very alien like. It
must be really uncomfortable wearing this I think.

-

Now the filming is starting and I realise that I don't know my lines.
I have been so busy wandering around looking at all the preparations
that I don't have a clue to my own part. And I've got the main part!
What am I going to do?

My parents who are directing the shooting say that it doesn't matter,
and that I know the story line anyway, so just to make it up from my
own head. It will be better that way they say, more realistic.

-

Action. We are filming. I am walking with Sam Gangee up a path and
some people are following us. Sam is carrying a huge rucksack and he
collapses under the weight.

"I just can't go on," he says. "Its too much to carry"

"Here, Sam" I say, "I will help you".

I lift him to his feet. Just a few yards away is a bench.

"Come over to this bench Sam, and I will give you some cider. That
will bring your strength back"

" Thankyou very much" he says, and we get to the bench and I open my
cider bottle.

"This was given to me by Gandalf the wizard. He said to use it when
you are feeling low in energy and can't go on."

We drink and feel its cool refreshing taste revitalize us.

I'm getting into this acting thing. Its all coming quite naturally and
effortlessly.

Finding where you belong: the weavers of fate.

There are seeds
And we are the seed dancers,
dancing with the seeds,
we have elaborate costumes with seeds sown into them.
 We rattle as we dance.

---

We are the rebel group. We are breaking out of our restricted bounds at this
University place. We are being lead by this female rebel leader who is
organising little acts of breaking the rules so as to get a message
across. There are places in the university where no-one is allowed to
go. One of us finds this secret way through the fence, a little hole
you have to crawl through, so our leader gets us to all crawl through.
Now we are on the other side, we see an interesting shaped building,
like a wooden geodesic dome, and we decide that we need to climb on
top of it so that we can be seen.

We set up stalls up here, and banners with slogans. Some of the people
in our group I'm not getting on with very well. They are concerned but
about all the wrong things. They can't empathize very well. This one
girl comes to these people who I'm with to appeal to us to help her,
she has a condition which has made her disabled for over 10 years, but
they don't really connect and show any empathy. I feel sorry for her
so I go and give her a hug. She is friendly, so I go for a walk with
her and leave my other friends behind.

-

I'm part of a big ceremony celebrations and party. My brother brings
cider, various other people are bringing other drinks.

Everyone is busy doing their bit for the opening ceremony. I'm not
sure what I am meant to be doing. I hover around different groups,
some are dancers, some are making costumes, some are actors, poets,
musicians, performers. Each group I go to I don't feel welcome and I
don't feel I quite belong. These one group of people are even quite
hostile to me. They say I am not welcome at the ceremony looking the
way I do. I admit I do have my allotment clothes on, which are a bit
muddy and smelly, but I think they are perhaps taking things a little
too seriously.

I feel sad and lonely because I don't know how to contribute. I wander
around all the big field wondering what to do with my self. I think I
should get some smart clothes just so that I can fit in but then
that's not really being my self.

The Volcanic eruption

 Volcanoes


We are on a mountain, but its also kind of a volcano. Its dark, night time.

We have been measuring its seismic waves and its going to blow. Earth tremors and mini earth quakes have woke the sleeping volcano, and now its been a counting game as to how long its going to be.

Lava is starting to ooze out at a central flat point at the top, and everything is poised with excitement. There is a tall pine tree on the top of the volcano. We look up to the top of the volcano and the pine tree has caught fire. Flames lick up from the bottom of the tree all the way to the top, until it is like a burning Olympic torch in the night lighting up all around, flames flying up to the stars.

Ground shakes, and explosions like thunder erupt.

"Pete! We must now do our ceremony and get photographs! This burning tree is the omen we have been waiting for."

Me and my friends go out from our little house in our little buggies which are just like mini cars, in a trail winding up the volcano to do the ceremony and get the photos. We drive around the volcano a number of times saying prayers.  I get really excited, this is a once in a millennia experience and we
happen to be the ones to be here and witnessing. We photograph the burning tree and now there are flying burning rocks coming out of the volcano. Its too dangerous to be up here now, so we retreat down the hill. One of the burning rocks lands on my head and gets caught in my hat. I struggle to get it out, and eventually it does come out. Few! That was a close one.



---------------

-------------
Church


I express anger to my parents, especially my dad, its something related to him asking and expecting me to do something and behaving in a certain way. I basically say no, I won't do this. It shocks him and he gets angry, but he's not prepared for me to get angry back at him and I use my sting, something I don't use very often, which stumps him an keeps him quiet.

Then this girl sits on my knee as we are in church and there's nowhere else to sit. Its nice having someone sitting on your knee, but I forget that I have lots of stuff in my pockets and when she tries to make herself comfortable she can't because of all these tools in my pocket, - knives, spanners, lighters coins, string, all sorts.   I need to be getting rid of it all so I start pulling it out.


-------
------
Mirrors and sacred choreography.


Now we are working with stages and different set ups.

We have a really high stage where the person receiving their mirrors
sits in the middle of the stage and the mirror people sit around the
edge. We experiment where to best place our head.
Also we experiment with it all being done much faster.

And the dark room is not nearly as dark this time. Its like a photo booth.

It doesn't work nearly as well and I make a comment about it being
militaristic.

------
-----


Friends

I seem M and I see that there are 2 soul sisters with her. I see that
she is really a delicate and sensitive soul.

Message from the Spirits

I'm with N. He is merged and is giving me a message from one of his
spiritual guides,

"You have no respect for the nakedness of the body.  You only see one
form. When I walked in and was naked before you I saw your mind, I
read the smile which you hid from your lips, as if you were about to
snigger under your breath a laugh at those who look differently to
you, at those who's bodies are shapes unfamiliar or undesirable to
you. I see you. Clearly and fully. You do not see me, you see what you
want to see and nothing more."

Now I'm with S.

"You need to wake up and take this more seriously. You pay so little
respect to the spirits.  You've been studying this for 7 years for
god's sake! You hide from your self" He says.

"Seven years?" I say rather sheepishly.

"Yes, it was in 2006 was it not that you did your first journey? Come
on and see what good omens there are for you at this time. The timing
is right, it just needs your dedication and commitment. Step out of
your navel gazing and pissing around. You've not got much time and
you'll only get left behind ".

I am stood holding a bone in my hand, turning it this way and that and
exploring its shape in my hand while reflecting his words. He right, I
realise that yes, it was 7 years ago I made my first shamanic journey
with leo rutherford, a slightly different school of thought but along
similar lines. I know in my heart that I have been not really taking
things seriously, not committing, partly due to a sense of failure, a
lack of confidence, and mostly because deep down I have a little
miserable part of myself that is stubborn and refuses to change and
won't take advice from anyone, weather the advice be good or bad.

"I want to hear you say to the spirits that you will commit to this." s says.

I speak out, but my voice is weak.

The bone in my hand now suggests to me that it wants to become a tool,
a cutting devise. I find a spinning abrasive disc and sharpen one end
of it. It will become part of a costume and a ritual tool.

I feel the spirits are strongly with me, deep down, but I have not
made any serious commitments to them. I know I have not been taking
things seriously, as if it were all a game. Its not about not having a
sense of humour, that's important too, but its about saying what you
mean, and meaning what you say. Its about a working partnership with
the spirits which will only be there if you honour  the spirits and
commit to your actions with dedication, discipline, and a sincerest
concern for the welfare of all people and living beings on the planet.

My bone is sharp now.

"Come on. You need to be getting your costume ready. You don't have much time."
S says.

I see everyone else is wearing these elaborate costumes ready for the
big event. All I have is my bone.

"Right stephen, its your time. Dance. "

I step into the room, no time left for costume preparations. Its an
empty room but the spirits and ancestors are all watching me. I have
the bone in my hand. What am I going to do?

I start spinning around in circles and I want to spin on my head like
break dancers do, but I will probably fall over and look like an idiot
in front of all present. So I decide to not try. I feel a little
awkward. What am I meant to do? Just dance?

Yes.

So I carry on.

Get-togethers and Tribal jewelry

I'm with my family and we are talking about get-togethers. Me an James
are organising mini gatherings for friends, and one of them, called
the rosebay gathering we are having to cancel because we do not have
the time to put the word out about it.

Its time to go to bed and I take my t shirt off and notice that I have
all this tribal jewelry on my chest, symmetrical down the center.

Ah yes, I had forgotten about putting all this on. It won't be very
comfortable sleeping with this on.  I pull off a thing that I had
stuck onto my belly button with glue, and slowly start to remove other
items. But a part of me thinks they look quite cool and I should leave
some on.

viral thoughts

I'm going through Rich's stuff. I can't stop thinking about costs. Its
an obsessive thought. Its a repetitive thought form, or a possessive
spirit that can't stop making me think -  Everything costs the same,
no matter what it is. Weather its seeds, or sofa's or books or plants,
everything costs the same. Part of me thinks its the spirit of Rich
trying to get his views across about where he wants his stuff going.
After all, he was an obsessive hoarder, and would want everything to
stay together no doubt. I am trying all night long to disengage, but
the virus and headache won't give me peace, and let me sleep. So this isn't exactly a dream, but its not exactly awake either.


When I finally sleep I am looking for tangerines. Its all I want to
eat and I start finding them everywhere.

Now I find two animals that I come across all of a sudden. At first I
think they are otters, but then I see that they are badgers, and they
take me to meet more badgers. They can read my mind, and know what I'm thinking. They help me.

-

Rosa has a bicycle and we are at the top of crookes out for a cycle.
We cycle a bit, and then she gets off and walks so I do too.  An old couple
accompany us from just a little way behind.

She talks to me about the best ways to look witchy, which she knows a
lot about.

New Music

I'm with Conor, and we are playing music, electronic music.

He plays me some new supermutant stuff and its amazing.... totally captivating and transporting. The music takes me into a new state of consciousness.

Hidden desires

I'm staying in a big house where there are lots of people working in
the garden.

Early in the morning I get into this girls bed. She has been following
me around these past few years, and we are close.

She is intelligent. She is young. Most people would say too young. Or
me too old.  So she and me are hiding our desire. Keeping it secret.

She sleeps naked in her bed. I cannot see her body, but I know its
there, warm and smooth. I try to talk casually, "Oh, the deities of
love and sex are the same.."

"No, I don't think they are," she says, "look at Bacchus and Venus,
they are quite different..."

We both kind of know what we want, but its dangerous to go there.  She
keeps glancing out of the window down the garden path to see if her
mum is coming.

"Its time to get up", she says. There's work to be done, and when
people are up they will wonder where we are if we are not up and
working.

She dresses while under the covers, and says we should get some
cereal. We wander into the kitchen and meet her older brother, who
greets us, unaware of this connection we have been sharing.

"Lots of digging to be done today" I say, "dig dig dig!"

"Which cereal would you like?" My secret lover asks me.

I have been eating the same porridge day after day after day recently,
and I want a change. I see in a cupboard hidden away some honey nut
hoops and they look very appetizing.

I know they are probably full of junk, but they are something
different and psychologically they will give me what I need to meet
the day. At least I think they will.

Story Medicine

I am feeling sad and lonely. It hangs heavy on me, but I try to bear
it lightly.

I meet Simon and he's playing with his son. He's a magical child. He crawls over to me, full of bright eyed curiosity and we play silly things for a while. Well, I make some faces at him, and he stares back
with big eyes, big smile and fat fingers that like to grab things. He cheers me for a while, but then I wander on. I'm looking for someone, someone who can cheer me. Babies are great cheer but they can't empathize with this sadness I feel,  at least I think they can't.

I meet my brother Joe, and he plays me some music, and I meet my
brother James and he shows me some of his latest musical instruments.
I meet Leanna and we chat for a while. I'm at a kind of house
gathering. Yoza is there and his little kids. I chat with Yoza and he
empathizes with me. He knows where my sadness is coming from. He gives
me a book to look at.

This is a magical book all about a prince who will come in the future, a hero god, a saviour of humanity. I see how he is born from the skies. He is called the Son of Man and the images that are used in this book are runes encoding magical symbols and meanings. Everything is beautifully drawn.

For the first few years of his life he is carried on a disc on four elephants.

Then he is taught by magical women the arts of magic and spells, and
as he grows up he becomes a powerful wizard prince.

This story is the remedy for my sadness. I am drawn into the story as
if I am living in it, and my sadness is left behind.

The last lesson from a growing teacher

 Its a clan meeting.

This one is an exercise in spontaneity.  Nigel has driven me here and
we start immediately.

With no instructions whatsoever, we are expected to go straight into complex choreographed ritual.
I dont really know what I am supposed to be doing, but then my mbira comes in very handy as without it I really would not know what I was doing. What I'm playing on it seems to be in harmony with what everyone else is doing, so I just keep playing.

One of my problems with spontaneity this time is that I try too hard. I am closing my eyes and trying to merge, but simon tells me it will be easier if I just relax and open my eyes.  You see, you can't try to be spontaneous - it just happens when you get into the spirit of things. When I get this, everything falls more into place and instead of the spontaneity around me seeming like a meaningless cufubble it all seems clear.

-

I'm now with tara on the allotments.

I see a crow behaving very strangely, its as if its trying to talk to
me. "What are you saying crow?" I ask. It caws strangely into the air, and  I take it as an omen that this might be a dream.

Tara has been helping on the allotment. One of the things she has been
doing was collecting the scraps of bread and such like and helping
feed the birds by sticking the bread high up where they can get to
them safely. She is also helping me get ready for the ceremony for rich
tomorrow.

Its a new thing, this allotments, for her but she seems to be getting
lots out of it.

-

We go into the old church. Richard is alive. He's not died. Well not yet at least. He spoke to some doctors who gave him a new heart but they said it would only last to the end of this years growing season. He decided to take this option as it meant that he could finish his growing course.

We all turn up at the church to receive his final lessons. He's got
his teaching material all ready and he has a big smile on his face. He
is glad to see so many people turned up. He looks like a true old
wizard now. This latest dicing with death has added on the years
tremendously. He is ever so cheerful now as well.

Beltane Dream

I am with my brother Joe in bristol. We are chatting about music and
what things we have been listening to recently. He plays me this
electronic video on you tube. Its good, and I find him this NinaSimone song - stars. It makes him cry, because its so beautiful.

I'm with my Mum and she is doing some washing for me. She advises me
to wash my hands more regularly, as she thinks that I will pick up
things from having mud on my hands from the allotment. She asks me if
I have got intestinal worms, I say no, because I check my poo everyday
and would be the first to know,  but then I find out that I do, the
next time I check. How did my mum know?

 I use clove essential oil to wash my hands from now
on. It is Richards bottle that he used to keep for washing his hands
as well.

My brother Joe is face painting a friend and giving them a costume.
They are looking very weird. (Like those dancers from the video that my friend posted).
At first we just think he looks silly but as the costume develops it gets better and
better.

I get distracted doing things and miss an appointment which was really
important. I have so many things to do, but I am going to have to
apologize to my friend, which I do, for missing this meeting.

I am cycling across a bridge over a big river with tara and some other
friends. She is in the river below. I am on my bike, and the bridge
has very low sides, so I need to be careful that I don't accidentally
cycle off the bridge. The wind is blowing strong across the bridge and
I have to control my bike. Tara is now swimming in the river below and
talking to me from the river about how much better she is than she
was. Her illness is mostly gone.