The Cancer diagnostic

I'm in wellow.
I'm showing two middle agedish women round the garden, I think its
Narrelle and Imogen. They are fascinated by the plants. I'm telling
them about the growing and the medicine.

Tipi phil is around too. He has set up his tipi in the garden
somewhere. The weather is very damp. He is struggling to keep the
place dry.


Someone phones me,

"Hi, its Meg."
Who's meg I'm wondering?

I apologize to the others, "I just got to take this call".

"I'm that witchy pagan who you met a few months ago"
Hmm, I wonder. That doesn't really help.. I meet lots of witchy pagans.

Ah yes, now I remember who it must be!

"I remember you" I say,
"Do come round".

I'm making a fire in a yurt structure. The wood is damp and its making
a lot of smoke. She arrives and we chat.
As we chat Oli comes in playing guitar. He sings as well, and before I
know it, we are transported back to the city.

Meg now tells me I need to go have a hospital check up. They have some
important news they need to tell me. I go to the hospital. I'm waiting
for the results.

"Mr Watts",
I go over to the reception desk.

"We have the results of your check up, we have found that you have
been awarded to have cancer treatment"

"Typical" I think to myself, amongst feelings of denial and panic...
just like them! They probably just want to offer me something but I
don't want it. And yet, what if they ARE right? What if I do have
cancer? I panic.

My mum is there too, and I tell her that I don't believe them. Someone
my age getting cancer? That's impossible.. But I know deep down that
it is not.

"Let's go and see the results" I say to my mum.

A radiologist shows me the scan.

"Here" and "here" he points.

First I see a circle drawn around my right knee, the place where I had
the operation. Typical. I think to myself that this could have been
caused by all the x-ray treatment I had as I child on my legs and
knees. The second place he circles is an area in my chest, not my
heart area, but to the right hand side of my body, the right lung.

"Lung cancer?" I wonder. Well, I have been smoking recently, but not
lots. Only one a day! How unlucky!

I wander out of the hospital with my mum. I am thinking to myself that
what if they were right, and the chemotherapy was the only way of
treating it?

I know about good diet, I know how to look after myself, to eat right
and drink right, and live a good life. Ok, I have lapsed a bit, but
surely not enough to get cancer? I think to my self that even healthy
people get cancer as well, just less often. Anything is possible.
Perhaps this is a spiritual defect, I wonder, perhaps I have been
thinking too many negative thoughts. My first idea of treatment is to
get one of my shamanic friends to scan my body to see if they can pick
up on what the doctors picked up on. I feel I need spiritual guidance
with this one.
I know deep down that you don't have to have done anything wrong to
get cancer, sometimes its just the way its meant to be, and there's
nothing you can do about it. Sometimes... Perhaps that's the way its
meant to be for me?