paralysed

I've just had some lovely dreams, and I'm now waking up, in the shepherds hut. I can see the sun shining and the birds are singing.

I'm awake now, and I want to get up, but have that sluggish "Can't get up" feel in my limbs, so I just remain lying there.

My vision is funny, its not what it usually is in the morning. For some reason my eyes are transfixed on one particular spot; I'm just staring, staring at the table, the candles, the books, and when I move my self, my vision is still the same picture.

What is wrong? I wonder to my self....

My head feels strange; my mind is doing one thing, while my body seems to be doing another. Am I paralysed? I keep trying to move, and to will my body to move, to get up, but there is no response. It feels like my nervous system has stopped working. I can't move, no matter how hard i try to will so with my mind. This experience is very similar to an experience you might get after smoking a fairly large amount of salvia divinorm. You just loose all grip on reality, the familiar, and the connection between your nervous system and your mind totally breaks down.


Well, in this state I discover something interesting... It seems to be one of two possibilities.... I notice that I can move, but my vision has stayed the same... the same table with candles and books, no change there.... but the feeling I am having is not one of being in my bed now, but of being outside of it... I can walk about, while my vision stays the same...

If it is not this happening, it could be just that my mind is creating an experience as if I were walking about... I get glimpses through the feeling of suddenly being outside, or of looking back at me in the bed.... Weather I am actually walking about or that my spirit has left my body, I can't tell. But there is definately an experience of two of me at the same time, one feelings based, the other vision based.


I feel that I have got this illness, that this stuckness in my vision is not right... I ought to be seeing things through my eyes, not this same picture of table, candles and books...

I get a sudden glimpse of myself, and I look very sick. I've got this crazy rash that has appeared overnight and it is covering all of the top of my face, and it is red and blotchy and spotty. My skin is dry and cracked.

I now panic. I try to call out for help. I try to text people to help, but I can't read the screen, i can only feel the phone in my hands. I try to text from the feel of what it feels like to text, but I really don't know how, i can't remember the positions of the letters well enough to do this.

I cry out for help. I most of all call to the earth to help me heal, to help me find medicine.

I manage to crawl out of hut; I have got just enough vision to get out.. I find myself at a spring... I hear the water bubbling into a plastic shape which is a part of a car, and acting as a water catcher, an I can see enough to see the water. I scoop my hands into the water and drink. It works; I can feel the water running down my throat, and I feel my strength returning. All this time I am aware that my vision, or whatever it is that is stuck is still in bed, in the same position that it was in when I woke up. Perhaps it is my spirit that has drunk at the spring....who knows?

I can hear Judith an dad talking, they are talking about going for a walk. Dad tells jude to come and get me to come for a walk too... I am still all messed up, despite the refreshing drink of spring water, and so I call out to jude and she comes over and I say "can't you see the red rash all around my face?"

"Not really" She says... She cant see whats wrong with me... I wonder if this is me or my spirit me...

Its crazy she can't see, when I saw it on me so clearly. I just wander my body back to my bed slowly, and think "I must find a doctor on my own!"....

After a bit of a rest, I set off on a journey to find a doctor who can help me...