beltaine Dream

This Dream begins with looking for a cave.....

I'm traveling through Crookes to get to a gathering to celebrate some important event. I'm on my bike. Suddenly i get this strong impulse to head down this little side track. It leads me into a small wooded area with steep sides. In the middle of this wooded area is a large stone built cave entrance - its the entrance to the old tunnel that runs underground all the way to the city center and beyond. All of a sudden Pete turns up; he knew he'd find me here, somehow. We climb up the ancient carved boulders leading to the entrance, which falls down steeply into the ground, into blackness. It feels like we have found some incan temple.

As we enter the cave we enter into a new dream. Me and Pete are now traveling with a group of people from other housing coops around the Sheffield area. we are heading out to this ancient cave in the countryside which has been reported to have wild bees living inside this cave. The trees feel older out here and have a more gnarled appearance. One of the older more experienced people traveling with us has been out before, and he is very keen on going there to get some wild honey from the wild bees. I'm not so sure its a good idea to get the honey, but i don't say anything; this is still a dream.....

Now a little interlude - I'm in Wellow....

we have discovered a room under the house, - in fact not just a room but a whole basement area, as large as the whole ground floor. How come i never new about this before? We have to go down here to mend the oil tank, plus a few other jobs.... Mum and Dad are down here with me. We look for the oil tank, and then suddenly discover that I'm standing right on top of it; it is buried into the ground. I wander into another room while mum and dad mend and tidy up. This other room is like an old bedroom - it has windows looking out south to the view - its underneath the main sitting room . This room feels like home; i want to make it my bedroom. its just so cosy, and feels so right. Now Ive got a place to stay, and it feels great.


Now back in Sheffield; we are back out of the cave, and this time i find my self down by the rubbish dump....

I'm stood with Hillary, one of my old friends, who is now a shamanic practitioner. We are looking across the landscape of this rubbish dump. We see mountains of rubbish, piled high to the blue wispy sky. Not a soul is in site. even the plants have no home here... All of a sudden we see three of four dear come into view. Thay look like magic deer or perhaps reindeer. They are foraging through the rubbish looking for food. And now Stefano, the expert violin maker, is stood on top of one pile of rubbish lamenting the passing of one of his violins. Its no good, he recons, to be used any more. He is depressed because he feels that he is a failure violin maker, and that this violin is evidence of that; its quite a new violin and never stood up to the standard required to sell as a good violin. So now hes going to sacrifice his violin to the rubbish dump. Me and Hillary watch from a distance as he begins this ritual. The attention of the deer has been caught and now they run over to Stefano to see whats up. They know whats going on and seem to be comforting him, in this sad time. Now the violin has changed all together - no longer this shiny nice looking object, its now an old floppy looking vegetable, like a parsnip.... i guess that its not such a loss after all.....

Me, Hillary and a few friends are now on a journey through the city. Hillary is telling us about her travels. One bit of information that she tells us that i remember is about how she was describing how this really terrible illness was caused
from men becoming really afraid of there penises! She told us about how some men were so afraid of them that they would not even look at them, let along wash them! this led to this debilitating disease starting on the penis, putting it out of use, which eventually took over their whole body, debilitating the entire body in the extreme cases. This illness in its mild form is quite common, she was telling us, especially in cities...

At some point on our journey through the city, at dusk, we sit down by the edge of the road. The sky is wonderful colours. I talk about how, wouldn't it be great to take a trip now. Hilary has some magic mushrooms, or some other form of phycoactive plant and she is already preparing the medicine; on her wrist she is mixing the ingredients... this has become common practice now, her second nature. theres a light in her eyes as she tells us more stories....
0

A night at Claire's house

Three dreams in one night that i spent at my friend Claire's house. It was far too warm, cos the heating had been left on all night..

The first dream begins with waking up out of a dream i was having, to phone my friend to tell them that i love them....

I love You

I'm awake now, i just must tell you at all costs that i love you, this feeling is overwhelming!

i grab my phone next to my pillow and ring you. I know its 3 in the morning but this is really important! i must get this message to you, and i know you will be awake, cos i was talking to on the phone just a short while ago...

"Hello!" you say. I try to speak but now weariness has overtaken me, and no words come out of my mouth. My limbs go heavy and my mind cannot muster up the strength to speak ... i mentally tell my self to speak but its not happening, no sound.... i mouth the words "i love you", hoping that in some way, sound will come out, but it doesn't.

You must think I'm really weird ringing you up like this and then just remaining silent!

if only you knew that I'm mouthing the words "i love you" over and over again in my mind!

You break the impending silence saying "isn't it nice that friends can just be in silence together without feeling the need to talk about something"

Ah, this is too much!

and now the mobile phone feels like its frying my brain, and that I'm going to go mad because of it! But i don't care - i just have to tell you i love you! but still no sound....

The pain is now too much to bear, so i hang up, and switch off my phone to stop the microwaves hurting my head.

Her voice carries on talking to my ear,even though there's no phone. as clear as a tune radio, you keep telling me things, as if you were in my head. Is there another phone I'm listening to, i wonder?

i wake at 440 and note down the dream - back asleep now, and into dream 2....

belongings


We are sat down to eat a buffet meal; its a family gathering, and i notice that the we are going to eat with a home made cutlery set. Dad is around somewhere, though i dont know what hes up to...

I have to leave this place,

Now I've left and I'm at a festival, the Wild Heart Gathering. I've got to visit Thomas, one of the teachers at the festival. I meet him down in these cabins, a bit like old shepherd huts. We chat and after talking i realise that i cant stay here either so have to be on my way, so a Begin gathering my stuff together, but slowly and reluctantly. And now I've forgotten all about leaving, becoming distracted from seeing lots of people......

We are having a sleepover, and its late, and I'm lying awake on my own feeling troubled by thoughts of leaving. A large fat lady comes over to me with a friendly smile on her face, and asks me to help her with her dreams. I listen to her as she tells me her dreams....we drift away into the night.

Early the next morning, a friend tells me, as soon as he sees me, that if I'm quick, i can get this train that is leaving very soon, and it will get me to where i need to be on time. I run back to the cabins to check them one last time; i hope I've not left anything. The cabins have become all dusty and mucky and have an un-lived in, unwholesome feel to them. There are 4 of them, and as i check the first one, i see maggots in there... I'm glad I'm leaving this place, i think to my self.... in the second cabin there is a really big spider, that scares the hell out of me. It feels like a warning saying "don't live here". I don't even check what the other two cabins have in them, i just get up and leave.

I'm now at a farm; Keveril farm. I learning lots there, but again, i have this feeling that i mustn't stay here, so i begin wondering where i am going to go next. In the midst of packing up my things i again become distracted, this time on my bike. I'm cycling around to take my mind off leaving. I start cycling down this really steep hill, gathering momentum as the hill steepens...

Its a race! Lots of people are cycling around, trying to win! trying to get First Prize! Mum is there cheering me on. What began as a calm quiet cycle has now become this crazy race, - who's gonna win? Its a macho competition! everyone's cheering and there is bumping and crashing around, caused by all the frenzy. as i hurtle down this hill at full speed i see an old guy crossing the path in front of me. I break and swerve to try to avoid crashing into him, but there's not enough time, and i cant avoid hitting him. Thankfully i don't knock him over, but i do hit him with my bike and i can see that I've really shocked him. i stop and apologise to him, thinking what an idiot i am for getting so worked up about this race. He tells me that its OK, and that he hasn't said goodbye yet, and that he lives in a house just round here. we leave on good terms, and I thank the situation for happening because it stopped me in my tracks and made me re-assess my self. Do i really want to be racing around like this?

I'm now in a different place, near the old guys house who i bumped into. I meet Claire and her boyfriend, and Anne-Marie. Anne-Marie is telling me some really important information. I'm listening hard, but i cant remember what it is.

The scene has changed again now.

I'm in a bar, sat at a table with three friends. Its a stop of point on our travels to get to where we are going to be living. We have ordered drinks and are waiting for them to arrive.

The bar is like a bar from an old wild west movie; all wooden and smokey, with honkeytonk piano music playing, and dust on the floor. Just to add the the authentic feel of the place, a couple of people are at a table near us talking about drug selling and police bust ups. It so happens that one of my friends has just scored though i don't know it at the time.

One of the guys sat at the table comes over to us. Hes a big black chap with a serious look on his face. He says " i hope non of you guys has got no drugs on him, cos soon there's gona be a drug bust up in these areas". he leaves us a little scrap of paper with some information written on it and goes on his way.

All of a sudden the lights go out in the bar and the music stops. The wooden shutter doors fly open with a bang and three sheriff walk in, obviously looking for trouble. Every one is quiet. We are panicking at our table because one of my mates has got loads of weed on him!

The three sheriff come over to our table first and ask the most bizarre of questions, that comes right out of the blue.

"in 2003 who ya gona call?" - what the hell!? I'm thinking, surely they don't want me to say it!? or do they?!

i reply - "ghost busters"

its hard not to burst out laughing!

-----

I wake at 7 am. what a night! one more dream to come.....

Afraid

A teacher who is a figure of authority is asking me to tell them what gardening i have been doing. He phoned me and talked a lot. reluctantly i talk. through his clever use of words, he got me say things that i didn't want to say. i began shaking with fear at the power he had over me.....

Burning pan

Where's that hissing and burning coming from? Ah! oh nnoo! ive left a pan burning on the gas!And that awful smell! I'm poisoning my self! Wake up! Wake Up! Get outa the room!!!

The God in the Sky

Recently I've been having a recurring pattern in dreams - watching the sky for signs, and seeing storms and such like phenomena.

At first i couldn't quite grasp what it was all about, until my friend Rosa told me that its cos i am always "looking to the sky" to find out what to do with my life, rather than just being in the moment. well anyway, here's the dream.

I'm in a desert feeling isolated and alone. I feel a sense of presence in the air. I'm watching the sky for a sign, and all of a sudden this figure appears in the sky - its a man with a gruesome wounded leg, hanging there from a cloud. In fact his whole body is wounded - it looks like the scene from a Dali painting.

Now I'm playing music with a band, I'm playing guitar and everyone else is playing instruments too, but wheres the singer? - oh! its my song that i wrote (see song - time - on snow medicine album -maxsalad.co.uk) so i better get singing! oh! - but its out of key and too fast! well i better get singing it anyway - the crowd and the band are waiting for some vocals! So i sing anyway, and it sounds awful but i guess that's ok...

Dream for Rosa

Me and my friend Rosa decided a month or so ago to set the intention to have dreams for the other, which will contain useful information for the other. So last night we decided to set the intention again; she would dream for me, and i would dream for her, and we would both come back with something useful.

well, here's my dream from last night,

For Rosa

As with most of my dreams, it feels like what i remember is the crumbs of the Real Thing - i wake and think, these few images are only those images that were able to surface, but i know, i know, that i have lived lifetimes in my sleep - every night.....so I'm coming out of a place where Ive been living a whole interesting life, and here's the where the dream starts; here's the first crumbs......

We were in a place where we were being taught a lesson in wilderness survival. Thomas (from trackways.co.uk) was teaching the course. He was telling us to present something to the group. He was telling us that wilderness is inside as well as outside.

The housing Coop group were there. I can't remember what people presented, but i remember Steve saying that he wanted to play us a tape of his music. He put it on, and oh! what a surprise!

The music was of Steve playing propa punky rock and rapping over the top, swearing as often and as loud as he could.(think of rage against the machine). In fact when i truly listened, nearly every word was a swear word! We were surprised, yet also delighted because it was really very talented and musical.

Then something changes and the group dissolves and i find my self wandering outside to a rock, a lookout point, where i can see mountains all around, and ocean. Its very grey and alone, but i don't feel lonely. what am i doing here? waiting.

It feels like years have gone by and I'm still waiting, for what i don't know. I just know that I'm watching the Skies for a sign. Something will come to me in this aloneness. I get distracted from my watching by something. i can't really remember what distracted me, but i feel that it had been distracting me for a very, very long time. I suddenly look up from my distraction, and see the most amazing colours in the sky. the mountain closest to me was in full yellowy orange sunshine, and behind it, the darkest blue purple storm clouds were coming up from behind the mountain, silhouetting the golden orange peaks.

I pick up my camera; i've gota get a photo of this ! I take a number of photos, from different angles, zoomed in and zoomed out, landscape, portrait. Granny is with me now. She is commenting on the view. it might have been her who alerted me to the sky in the first place. There is a hedge in front of me now, cut into a sculptural form, with holes in it. I take some photos of the view through the hole, on Granny's recommendation. I also see that the sun is now shining on the ocean, sparkling on the water, a thousand suns, with mountains in the distance. Great opportunity. I take more photos of this.

Granny then decides that she wants a cuppa tea. It just so happens that the kettle is there, so we plan to make a fire. Granny gets really giddy and decides to run around looking for firewood. I tell her to be careful. She's old and wobbly enough on her feet as it is, without running around!

All of a sudden Granny's character becomes very child like; Shes spontaneous as a 7 yr old kid, who's free to play in the woods. She's in love with me and wants to impress me! As shes running to get wood, she spots some mushrooms, "Steve will like these!" - a cluster of toadstool shaped ones, browny yellow in colour. Caught immediately by there colour, she picks them up while running, she trips on something, and they fall out of her hand toward me, as her body falls to the ground, bringing an end to her burst of giddy energy.

We are in a park in Sheffield. Bingham park, behind my parents house. The view is now of Sheffield. Granny lies on the grass, Fallen with her face down to the ground. Has she died?

At that moment a pretty young girl with black hair comes into view, walking down the hill with two large bottles containing milk. She walks past me and through the sculptured hedge, - there was a gate into the garden behind. This is where she lives; in the house with the garden behind the sculptured hedge.

-----

the Magic Bee

I had been making music with a bunch of friends in a room at the back of a pub or somewhere that was a public space, where there . When we left we all went our separate ways, and i started walking home. I suddenly remembered i'd left my wallet in the pub!

I ran back as quick as I could, worried that i would have lost it. I hate loosing things; it really stresses me out. I got to the pub and the room where we had been playing music was now full of people drinking and chatting. 3 guys were sat at the table where i had been siting, and there was my wallet, on the table. Thank god! still there. I picked it up and check it. The wallet is unzipped - someone has taken money out of it. quite a few notes. Was it one of the guys sitting at the table? I catch one of the guys eyes and the supicious thought "hes done it" goes through my mind. Yet when i ask about it, no one knows a thing.... what should i do?

I go back to my room in meersbrook, and lie on my bed. My heart is beating really strongly.So strongly that i become really paranoid about the health of my heart. Why is it beating so strongly. the pace of the heart beat quickens, and becomes louder. and i feel like im gona die.

I tell my self to breath as slow and as deep as possible. worrying about it isnt going to help. My heart slows down, and i feel the impulse to go back to where the pub was, even though now its the next day. On the way i walk past a school and just outside the school my feer get caught in a hose pipe on the pavement. untangling my feet becomes a kind of dance.

After becoming untangled from the hose pipe i come to cliffe edge, just near my old house on Steade Rd. I see that the path im walking goes through a gap in the cliff, and i have to climb over this rock face. Just to the right of the path is a cave, and i look into the cave and a strange mysterious feeling comes over me. THis is a magical place.

I begin to climb the rock face. In the process of climbing on this rock face my hand comes into contact with a massive wasp.

Ow! im stung! Ow! Ow! both my bare feet have been stung right in the middle of the soles of them! I see that im surounded by giant wasps the size of large bumble bees, crawling around all over the rock face.

I retrace my steps and sit a safe distance away and watch carefully. At that moment i see a massive bumble bee, the size of a small bird come into view, out of the cave. It seems to glow and sparkle. awed by the presence of this bee, i sit and watch the hole of the cliff face come to life. Insects are creeping out of every crack, and yet they are all much larger than in normal life. The whole area around the cave becomes full of the movement and activity of larger than life insects. I begin to think about bee hives, - imagine the honey you would get from bees this size.... perhaps the hive is inside the cave?