no trowsers dream

I am in new roots.

I'm getting ready to leave sheffield,

Im preparing my stuff

Ruth is around.

We hug before I go. Too short. She looks different somehow.
She has the look of the goddess in her eyes.

I get my bike into community bus. I traveling back with my bike. The
lady in the bus is very friendly

Ive forgot to put on my trousers. She says there is time, I go back to
look for some but I can't find any. Joe gives me some. I get back to
the bus and we leave.

chinese new year

I have gone on a retreat with a whole load of people - friends, mostly
around my own age, but also a real mix.

I need to take myself away for a few days- I will be brought food. - I
am locked in this little compartment, and in about 2 or 3 days, I will
be let out. Its frustrating because I can hear the others talking. I
explore my compartment, there are a few rooms to it, and in the back
room which opens onto the garden is this old man with a dog. I'm
surprised to see them, and pleased as I thought I was here o my own.
The dog smiles at me, and I can honestly say I have never seen a dog
smile like that. "Look" I say to the old man, "at that smile he has!!" (only later do i think it must have been a dragon, not a dog! )

I'm back with the others. We are making signs, and art work. I have
been making something, which I am now going to put sandpaper on. Then
we are going to do some group singing.

the Giant Spinning top (part 2 )

I am in a playground and john is here with me. This woman gives me a
challenge - to spin this giant spinning top all the way round the
playground in one throw. Its an epic challenge, but I am feeling bold
and confident. I want to impress her and john with my talents.

Just as I'm about to throw, these rude boys turn up, and want to pick
a fight on me. They want to rob my giant spinning top off me. I must
throw it before they do. I can't properly fight them while I am still
holding it, but if I throw it in a distracted state I will never
achieve the goal the woman set me.

I wrestle with these two rude boys.

I never get round to throwing this spinning top.

Now I'm in a different dream. I am making a plant pilgrimage up to
scotland. I was told in a dream to come to this place just on the
boarders of scotland, and so I arranged a van to take me and a whole
load of allotment people, mostly older guys, up to the boarders. When
we get there, we get a message to go further up, so we continue our
drive, until we can drive no more. Now we get out and walk, as far as
me can up these mountains. I get ahead of everyone, as I am fit and
healthy. I scout out the ground before hand, checking the direction.
Its getting muddy, and people are wanting to turn back. Its raining
hard and cold. We come to some refuge between the mountains, and we
warm up and recover our strength before starting out again.

Now I'm back in sheffield, in a pub. This is the drinks before going
out part of the night. I get a text from R saying to come a visit her,
so I finnish mt drinks and start to make my way. On route I get
distracted and bump into trouble. I'm in a club of some sort....I was
asking for trouble in my mind as I secretly wanted it, but now I
realise I don't, but I have to deal with it. These mean hearted guys
are out for a fight and want to rob me. I change my intent -'I intend
to find my friend'... To my surprise my friend appears in the corner
of the room as if by magic. The mean guys have gone. This friend now
begins to escort me to R's house. We have to go through these
buildings with locks to get there. I bump into A and we have a really
interesting conversation about relationships. Its all about how even
when you really love someone, and want to be with them, you will still
find other people attractive. We speak about people we know falling in
and out of love, and how we are all trying to find satisfaction on so
many levels, both sexually and non sexually, and how it can be
unrealistic to find that all in one person.

One of the locks we cannot open. I manage to find a way through, as if
some old memory reminded me of the code. Now I try to show A the code
but it doesn't work with him. Thankfully someone has come to let him
out. We are through the building and now there is some kind of fair on
the grass that we wander round. There are gazebos with merchandise for
sale under. We wander round in the sunshine.

choking

I need to get to this special healing spot, in the woods. Before I can
get there I have to go through the swamp. As I wade through the
shallows, I get the feeling like this is a special initiation. I leave
some of my stuff behind, and take off my jumper as I don't want it to
get muddy. When I put it down by this tree, I see this strange slimy
growth in the swamp by the tree that moves, and covers my jumper in
mud. All of a sudden this choking invisible gas rises from the swamp,
and I can't breathe. I gasp for breath and wake up.

an inbetween kind of dream..

I'm on a sofa, under blankets, lying next to H, I get an erection, and
I think she notices, but her boyfriend is there, and yet she wants to
secretly feel my erection so she uses her feet to pleasure me.
I think her boyfriend finds out, as we are all inter tangled on this
sofa, and its hard to tell who is who sometimes. And I think he gets
mad with me so I keep out of the way.

I was back at Ashton lodge, we were just finishing off a long day or
work, and one of us had had to drop out, and go and lie down.

The work we were doing involved more theatre. I remember there was
this bed we needed to lie on, while others did healing around us
involving props, and blankets and things to make the space healing. We
had to go one at a time.

I leave to check on the lady who had to drop out. There are these 2
lads I bump into who also need a bit of direction, so I give one of
them a mars bar, and tell them some things to do.

--

sleep paralysis

What happened? Where am I? why can't I move?
Oh god! I can barely breathe! My mouth won't open, and my nose is
blocked! It feels like my head will explode! Will I die?

Help help help! I'm crying out internally.
HELP!!! I don't want to die!

Panic runs through me from head to foot. I manage to just about open
my eyes.. I can see a dull yellowy orange light off to my left. Just
keep calm I tell my self. Listen to your heart beat. I can hear my
heart beat racing... Or is it going really slowly? It hard to tell.
Its still going though and that's the main thing. Keep your attention
on the beating of your heart I tell my self. It feels like my brain is
starved of oxygen. I'm sure this is what it happening.. That's why I
can't move. If I can only open my mouth just a tiny bit I will be able
to breathe better.

Few! I've opened a tiny crack at the side of my mouth. And with this a
tiny bit of strength comes back, enough to move a tiny amount and see
a bit more of my suroundings.. Am I in the shed in wellow? I wonder.
What's that orangey light? Did I leave a candle burning?

I'm realizing now that this is yet again another experience of sleep
paralysis... Oh god, why is this still happening to me I wonder?


I must be in my shed in wellow..

It feels like I'm in the process of having an epileptic fit or
something similar. Far too much activity is going on in my brain to
call this normal.

The panic of going to die has gone, but I can't really move yet. I
just stay focused on my breathing and my beating heart, and wait for
the energy to return. Slowly I manage to open my mouth more, and get
more air. What a relief! I am in my shed in wellow. It looks like I
left a candle burning! Maybe a good thing I woke up! I would not have
wanted to burn my shed down! .. Wait a minute.. No, I'm not in wellow.
I didn't sleep in wellow last night. I slept in adam and liz's house
in walkey. And that orangey glow is the lamp from the street.

st ives market

I'm at a market by the sea in st ives. I'm helping out this girl I
like who is running a stall selling crafty things. She asks me to go
and buy some fish. Its wintertime, but there is still lots of good
fresh fish for sale. She wants me to buy salmon, and I want to buy
mackerel. I also plan to forage for some muscles.

On the way to get fish, I get distracted by wanting to get this sunset
view. It involves climbing up this little hill, and then up a ladder,
right to the top. The walk is a song, the rungs of the ladder
different notes to a tune. There are other people up here with me,
waiting for the sun to set. A little boy wants help climbing down from
the ladder so I help him.